IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In advertising nowadays, businesses usually highlight and emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why do businesses practice this? Do you think this development is a positive practice or a negative one?

#businesses #emphasise #products #practice #development
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The content of
advertising
Correct article usage
the advertising
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 industry has evolved significantly, over the past decades.
While
 in the past almost all of
focus
Add an article
the focus
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 of businesses was on emphasising
on
Change preposition
apply
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the high quality of their products,
thses
Correct your spelling
these
 days most of them aim to attract customers by bolding the new and unique features of their goods.
This
 essay discusses the underlying causes of
this
 trend and my point of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
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 regarding the influences of it. First and foremost, in
this
 technology-driven era with the emergence of
sevral
Correct your spelling
several
 high-profile businesses, competing just in terms of quality, has become difficult for companies.
Thus
 they have to entice people by
highliting
Correct your spelling
highlighting
 the innovative and peculiar features of their merchandise.
This
 appeal to novelty taps into a psychological phenomenon known as the "novelty effect," where people are more likely to be attracted to and interested in something new and unique.
Taking
Wrong verb form
Take
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 Samsung and Apple two giant companies in
mobile
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the mobile
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 phone market, as an example,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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both produce
best
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the best
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 quality phones, worldwide. They will not overcome each other
,
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apply
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 unless they offer unique advancements in
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 new mobile phones.
While
this
 emphasis on newness can drive sales and innovation, it
also
 has potential drawbacks. One negative aspect is the encouragement of a consumer culture characterized by constant upgrading and disposability.
This
 can lead to increased waste and environmental harm as consumers frequently discard perfectly functional products in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
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 of newer models.
For example
, the fast fashion industry is notorious for producing clothing
that is
 quickly discarded, contributing to significant environmental pollution.
To conclude
, the practice of emphasising newness in advertising has increased
as a result
 of
increase
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an increase
the increase
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 in
market's
Correct article usage
the market's
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 competitiveness. It has
potential
Change the adjective
potentially
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 negative consequences,
such
 as promoting a culture of disposability and misleading consumers, which is discussed above.
Submitted by Sh.ferdowsian94 on

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task response
While your essay provides a relevant response to the task, make sure you address each part of the prompt equally. You focused more on the 'why' rather than offering a balanced view on whether it is positive or negative.
task response
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports your main idea. Try to elaborate more on the potential negative aspects and balance them with potential positives to fully address both sides of the question.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical structure but consider improving transitions between ideas to enhance flow. Linking words and phrases can help create smoother transitions.
coherence cohesion
Some of your ideas lack detailed explanations. For instance, elaborate more on the psychological 'novelty effect' and its consequences.
task response
Your introduction effectively sets up the discussion by mentioning how advertising has evolved to focus on new features.
relevant specific example
Your use of real-world examples like Samsung and Apple adds credibility to your points.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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