IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The chart below shows the average hours spent per day in leisure and sports activities by youngest and oldest populations in the US in 2015.

The chart below shows the average hours spent per day in leisure and sports activities by youngest and oldest populations in the US in 2015.
#hours #leisure #sports #activities #populations
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart depicts the median daily
hours
Use synonyms
, spent by teenagers and elderly people in recreation and physical practices in the USA in 2015.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the most popular entertainment among both ageing groups is watching television programs,
although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 rate for the eldest individuals is almost double on a daily basis. interestingly, both groups are benefiting from their relationships almost equally. Regarding activities that older ones are more desired, there are three different categories. They watch films much more than double in comparison with the young ones with 4.5
hours
Use synonyms
 and 2.4
hours
Use synonyms
 respectively.
this
Linking Words
 feature for reading novels in eldest people are 5 times more than teenagers with 1 hour and only 0.2
hours
Use synonyms
 respectively.
finally
Linking Words
, older ones spent more time in solitary activities with 0.6
hours
Use synonyms
 daily. Turning to youngster's favourite actions, they are more likely to be a part of hobbies and activities. they use their laptops for gaming purposes and
also
Linking Words
 they are fond of physical health improvement acts these practices take approximately 1.7
hours
Use synonyms
 daily in comparison with older counterparts by 0.7
hours
Use synonyms
 collectively.
Finally
Linking Words
, both ageing levels use their time in conversation with their friends and other extended families nearly the same at 0.8 per day.
Submitted by pooya.olad on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words hours with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "comparison" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: