Some people believe that governments should ban dangerous sports. Others claim that they should have freedom to choose their favourite activities. Discuss both views and present your opinion.
Many
people
have different views regarding dangerous sports
. Some people
state that the government is supposed to ban some sports
which bring more danger to the participants. Others believe that it is a social freedom to let society choose what they want to express in sport
.
To begin
with, it could be true that eliminating some sports
which can harm their players is the best idea to keep sport
in the right line. Fix the agreement mistake
sports
This
is because there are possibilities of community are
able to get hurt by performing the Correct subject-verb agreement
is
sports
themselves, such
as fighting sports
. Besides
, it is not good to show dangerous sports
in public, particularly for the
children without an expert witness. Correct article usage
apply
consequently
, the kids can imitate the way of these sports
then
leads them to hurt their surrounding friends.
However
, selecting what is good sports
for a community should not be highly conducted. It could harm the rights of every individual who wants to watch the sports
that they are into. As a result
, entertainment can be reduced and lead to decreasing income for the companies that have relation
with Fix the agreement mistake
relations
sports
. In addition
, society are
free to do and watch any Change the verb form
is
sport
they want. Some people
are interested in dangerous sports
, such
as MMA, WWE, and Boxing, which is enjoyable to see. Finally
, every game has its own fans, so that, banning the game can be a bad decision to make by the government.
To conclude
, every sport
has advantages and disadvantages for the committer. As ordinary people
, we should be able to express our hobbies in the right way, so, it will not affect other people
in general. Moreover
, watching the kids when they see the play can be an action to prevent the accident from happening.Submitted by patricius.yohanes on
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task achievement
Your essay provides a balanced discussion of both views on the topic, but it could benefit from a clearer thesis statement in the introduction that directly states your opinion.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, try using more transitional phrases to link ideas within paragraphs and between them. This would help the essay flow more naturally.
task achievement
Ensure that each main point is fully developed with specific examples or further explanation. This will strengthen the support for your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
task achievement
You successfully discussed both sides of the argument, showing good understanding of the topic.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?