Some people believe that governments should ban dangerous sports. Others claim that they should have freedom to choose their favourite activities. Discuss both views and present your opinion.

#people #governments #ban #sports #freedom #favourite #activities

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Many

people

have different views regarding dangerous

sports

. Some

people

state that the government is supposed to ban some

sports

which bring more danger to the participants. Others believe that it is a social freedom to let society choose what they want to express in

sport

To begin

with, it could be true that eliminating some

sports

which can harm their players is the best idea to keep

sport

Fix the agreement mistake

sports

show examples

in the right line.

This

is because there are possibilities of community

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

able to get hurt by performing the

sports

themselves,

such

as fighting

sports

Besides

, it is not good to show dangerous

sports

in public, particularly for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

children without an expert witness.

consequently

, the kids can imitate the way of these

sports

then

leads them to hurt their surrounding friends.

However

, selecting what is good

sports

for a community should not be highly conducted. It could harm the rights of every individual who wants to watch the

sports

that they are into.

As a result

, entertainment can be reduced and lead to decreasing income for the companies that have

relation

Fix the agreement mistake

relations

show examples

with

sports

In addition

, society

are

Change the verb form

show examples

free to do and watch any

sport

they want. Some

people

are interested in dangerous

sports

such

as MMA, WWE, and Boxing, which is enjoyable to see.

Finally

, every game has its own fans, so that, banning the game can be a bad decision to make by the government.

To conclude

, every

sport

has advantages and disadvantages for the committer. As ordinary

people

, we should be able to express our hobbies in the right way, so, it will not affect other

people

in general.

Moreover

, watching the kids when they see the play can be an action to prevent the accident from happening.

Submitted by patricius.yohanes on Sun Jun 09 2024

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task achievement

Your essay provides a balanced discussion of both views on the topic, but it could benefit from a clearer thesis statement in the introduction that directly states your opinion.

coherence cohesion

To improve coherence, try using more transitional phrases to link ideas within paragraphs and between them. This would help the essay flow more naturally.

task achievement

Ensure that each main point is fully developed with specific examples or further explanation. This will strengthen the support for your arguments.

coherence cohesion

Your essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.

task achievement

You successfully discussed both sides of the argument, showing good understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

291 words

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Some people believe that governments should ban dangerous sports. Others claim that they should have freedom to choose their favourite activities. Discuss both views and present your opinion.

Your opinion

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The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

Some people think that competition at work, at schooland in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to coctate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Some people believe that increasing tax on various industries will reduce pollution whereas others believe that there are better alternatives. Discuss both the view and give your opinion.

.In many countries, the number of people suffering from stress is increasing. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to tackle it? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.