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Band 5.5

The best way to understand other cultures is to work for a multinational organization. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#cultures #work #organization
In contemporary societies, owing to globalization, there is a belief that having occupations in an international corporation is the essence of comprehending other traditions.
This
 writer firmly disagrees that there are
also
 some ways to broaden their horizon about different cultures on account of
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 to another nation and
language
 learning. It is vital to acknowledge that
people
 can effectively approach and learn more about new cultures via travel to other countries.
In other words
, paralleling international integration, there has been an increasing number of
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 having their journeys to many nations worldwide in order to open up their cultural spheres’ mindset.
As a result
, it not only provides opportunities to interact with locals, and experience cultural practices, but it
also
 helps
people
 gain insights that may not be possible in a corporate setting.
Hence
, it is not difficult to understand why
people
 desire to travel rather than participate in multinational companies. Another component worth considering is that
people
 can learn a new
language
 of that culture which they want to understand.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that during the study process, teachers and teaching materials contained a lot of useful information and experience of foreign traditions.
Furthermore
,
while
 learning
Correct article usage
a
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 new
language
, students can interact with foreigners and listen to many stories relating to their nations and customs.
For
this
 reason, understanding the nuances of a
language
 can help you understand cultural values, beliefs, and societal norms. Take Asian
people
 as pertinent examples, where almost 80% of students studied a foreign
language
 not only to go abroad but
also
 to satisfy their curiosity about understanding that nation’s culture.
Thus
,
this
 essay has shown that the main factors that impact
upon
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the sight of new traditions from other nations are
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 and the approach to studying a foreign
language
.
Therefore
, it should have been demonstrated that it is
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
 for
people
 to deepen their understanding of other cultures by implementing these methods.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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task achievement
You have adequately addressed the task with clear and relevant ideas. However, there is room for improvement in terms of providing more concrete and specific examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the transitions between some ideas could be smoother to enhance the flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are well-supported but can be further strengthened. Consider adding more detailed examples or evidence to back up your points, which will make your arguments more compelling.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear and strong introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your arguments.
complete response
You have provided a complete response to the task, covering different perspectives on understanding cultures.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas are clear and comprehensive. You have explained your points well, making them easy to understand.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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