IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Most people believe that social media such as facebook and instagram negatively impact on society and individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

#people #media #facebook #instagram #impact #society #individuals
In the contemporary era, the telecommunication system and information technology have gained remarkable progress and development, making it easily accessible for anyone in
this
 society. Some assert that
,
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 the rapid increase in the usage of popular websites of social
media
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 many unfavourable influences on the population. My stance on
this
 issue, which is totally disappointment with the above notion will be discussed in the following paragraphs. It is evidenced that,at present, a majority of
the
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individuals are using a mobile phone or a laptop of their own. Perhaps,
as a result
, applications like Facebook, WhatsApp, Instagram, etc. have become a trend among all generations, which are utilized by them as an ample source of information and a method of dealing with relationships.
For example
, recent research has revealed that the messenger what's up is the most effective and most popular mode of communication, that
are
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is
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 affordable to each category of the economic states
,
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 and is used especially to deal with distant members.
On the other hand
, referring to those
that
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pages as a mode of recreation is more common, especially among
the
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youngers
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younger
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.
In addition
,
due to
 the popularity borne by those pages, most of the companies are willing to advertise their products on those sites.So,recently
that
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e- advertisements have surpassed all communication
media
.
For instance
, celebrities
are earning
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earn
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 a huge sum of their income via the publicity received by their social
media
 accounts.
In contrast
,
although
 there are some advantages received by those mobile apps,the waste of time consumed by many people on them is more significant.
Hence
 a
self control
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self-control
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 over those time-consuming activities should be laid. Especially on the schoolers who are easily prone to addictions.
To conclude
, even though
this
 has many drawbacks, I am restating that social
media
 systems could be used in a more beneficial way for everyone.
Submitted by oriexam6 on

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task response
You have presented a clear stance and addressed the task reasonably well. However, your argument could be strengthened with more detailed explanations and a better balance in discussing both the positive and negative impacts of social media. Try to provide more specific examples to illustrate both sides of the argument clearly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure, and you have used appropriate linking phrases. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother, and there are minor grammatical errors that disrupt the flow. Work on connecting your points more clearly and ensuring each paragraph flows naturally into the next. Also, vary your sentence structures to improve readability.
task response
You have clearly stated your position on the topic and attempted to support it with relevant points.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • detrimental
  • dysfunctional
  • impede
  • adverse
  • compulsive
  • obsessive
  • inherently
  • undermine
  • vulnerable
  • censorship
  • exploitation
  • vicious cycle
  • isolation
  • fraudulent
  • dissemination
  • manipulation
  • creativity
  • engagement
  • tolerance
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