Being a celebrity-such as a famous film star and sport personality-brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?
Nowadays, there is a huge consensus that popular and
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
people
، recieve
the greatest attention from all the viewers. Correct your spelling
receive
Thus
, it had
been argued whether Wrong verb form
has
advantages
outweigh the disadvantages of being known to most Correct article usage
the advantages
people
. Therefore
, this
forthcoming essay will discuss why I strongly believe that the drawbacks and negativities of being a celebrity
are more than the positivities
.
On the one hand, some Replace the word
positives
people
are blinded by the income
, luxury lifestyle and fame associated with being a star. In other words
, they fail to recognize that behind all this
beautiful view is an ugly world, particulary
a facade in Correct your spelling
particularly
it's
essence. Replace the word
its
For instance
, young people
who delve into this
world of fame,
may become haunted by their own mistakes their whole life, as Remove the comma
apply
people
will endlessly gossip about the wrongdoings they have done. Moreover
, if any normal person comitted
Correct your spelling
committed
same
crimes done by a Correct article usage
the same
celebrity
, they will not be treated the same by general
population. Add an article
the general
Furthermore
, overcoming past mistakes for a celebrity
can be challenging. For example
, if a celebrity
tried
to focus on the present, he or she will constantly be reminded of their past as the media will go on and on about it. Wrong verb form
tries
In addition
, even if they tried to escape their scandal by going to a therapist to use cognitive behavioral
therapy methods, many Change the spelling
behavioural
people
will shame them due to
lack
of awareness.
Correct article usage
a lack
On the other hand
, there are many benefits of being a celebrity
including appreciation, acknowledgments
for hard work, Change the spelling
acknowledgements
being
respected and treated in a special way. Correct word choice
and being
However
, one of the primary pros of being famous is the revenue. There is no doubt that most of the income
recieved
by celebrities exceeds all Correct your spelling
received
income
gained by other specialities. Despite striving workers of different feilds
, being famous has the potential Correct your spelling
fields
of providing
them with more Change preposition
to provide
income
than their regular jobs. For instance
, a footballer recieves
more than a physician, even if physicians work extra hours and attend all hospital shifts, they still won't be able to make what a football player can make in a year. Correct your spelling
receives
Also
, the economic status of a celebrity
is increased by the number of views, and as the level of popularity increases more money will be made.
In conclusion, the drawbacks of being famous are considered more than the benefits. I am of the opinion that failures, mistakes and crimes will follow celebrities for the rest of their lives. Unless the priority of the person does not lie merely on the financial part, being popular is a cause of distress and adversity. Hence
, celebrities can not escape their past and focus on here
and now.Correct article usage
the here
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task response
You could enhance the task response by providing a bit more balanced discussion, giving equal weight to both the benefits and problems of being a celebrity.
coherence cohesion
To improve the coherence and cohesion, you might want to break down some of your longer sentences into shorter, clearer ones, and make sure each paragraph sticks closely to one main idea.
task response
Examples given are good, but providing a wider variety of specific examples (e.g., from more aspects of being a celebrity) would make the argument more compelling.
task response
Ensure all points you make are backed up by clear and specific examples; this will help strengthen your arguments and make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly states the problem and your opinion on the topic, which is very good for laying the groundwork for your essay.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and restates your opinion, which helps to reinforce your position.
task response
You provided specific examples to support your points, such as the comparison between the earnings of a footballer and a physician.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.
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