IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many produced food and beverage products include high amount of sugar which leads to many health issues. Increasing prices of products with high sugar level to prevent people to consume more sugar. From my perspective, I strongly agree with this statement.

#food #beverage #products #amount #sugar #health #prices #level #people #perspective
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Many produced
food
Use synonyms
 and beverage
products
Use synonyms
 include high
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of
sugar
Use synonyms
 which leads to many health issues. Increasing prices of
products
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 with high
sugar
Use synonyms
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
to prevent
Change the verb form
prevents
show examples
people
Use synonyms
to consume
Change preposition
from consuming
show examples
 more
sugar
Use synonyms
. From my perspective, I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that eating
sugar
Use synonyms
 has several benefits to their bodies so they tend to consume more
sugar
Use synonyms
 nourishment. One of the main upsides is that
people
Use synonyms
 can absorb
a huge sources
Correct the article-noun agreement
huge sources
a huge source
show examples
 of energy from
sugar
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
sugar
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 is not only a factor
supplies
Correct pronoun usage
that supplies
show examples
 energy but
also
Linking Words
 keeps a
person
Change noun form
person's
show examples
 mind
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
conscious during working time.
According to
Linking Words
 some
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
,
sugar
Use synonyms
 contains the most abundant energy than
other ingredient
Change the wording
another ingredient
other ingredients
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, consuming a large amount of
sugar
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 has many disadvantages, and
this
Linking Words
 is the reason why sugary
products
Use synonyms
 should be charged more to decrease the number of consumers. One of the major downsides is that sugary
products
Use synonyms
 can
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 probability
to get
Change preposition
of getting
show examples
 diabetes especially
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, the elderly with diabetes will have a weak immune system and they will not
able
Add a missing verb
be able
show examples
 to recover from severe illness.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
children eat
Verb problem
eating too
show examples
 much
sugar
Use synonyms
 can lead to obesity which may make children have difficulty
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
doing daily activities and in some
case
Fix the agreement mistake
cases
show examples
 it might affect
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
.
Instead
Linking Words
 of making sugary
products
Use synonyms
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
more expensive,
food
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 and beverage companies can create and improve
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new
Use synonyms
sugar- free
Correct your spelling
sugar-free
show examples
 recipes,
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 may help them not lose
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consumers. In conclusion, making
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sugary
products
Use synonyms
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
more expensive is not the only way to avoid
people
Use synonyms
 consuming so much
sugar
Use synonyms
, produced companies can find
out
Change preposition
apply
show examples
another plan to decrease the amount of
sugar
Use synonyms
 in their
products
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 not only
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 try every
food
Use synonyms
 they want but
also
Linking Words
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
incomes
Correct article usage
the incomes
show examples
 of
food
Use synonyms
 and drink companies not decrease.
Submitted by weezel on

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task achievement
Strengthen your examples and explanations. Using more specific examples will make your arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure to avoid awkward phrasing and to improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between paragraphs to ensure smooth transitions between different points.
task achievement
You provide a clear position on the topic and maintain it throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your argument effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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