Some people think that zoos are cruel and should be closed down. Others, however, believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals. Discuss both views and give your opinion Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experiences
Nowadays, some people adopt the point of view that
zoos
are a source of torture for animals
. Therefore
, animals
should be set free. While others
believe that Correct word choice
Others
animals
living in the wild nature should be kept behind bars in a zoo
to protect general
public from them. Add an article
the general
This
forthcoming essay will discuss why I strongly agree with the latter opinion and provide relevant examples from my own experience.
On the one hand, people who advocate the idea of animals
originally living in the wild being set free,
may have not actually considered the consequences. Remove the comma
apply
In other words
، entangling and letting animals
go out from the zoo
could possibly cause significant chaos, possibly interfering with our daily lives as human beings, particularly deterring us from living a peaceful life. For instance
, I can recall once incident that happened to our family when we went to
a trip Change preposition
on
in
our village,we went by Change preposition
to
the
car, and on our way Remove the article
apply
their
we were about to hit a camel that crossed the highway, Correct your spelling
there
hence
it was extremely dangerous, and life threatening
for the camels to be released into deserts without supervision. Add a hyphen
life-threatening
Moreover
, when we finally
reached our destination we were welcomed by a bunch of monkeys that kept stealing our food, which was truly unfortunate and devestating
, if those monkeys were in a cage, and behind bars in a Correct your spelling
devastating
zoo
people, particularly children would get to enjoy them without having to go through adversity of monkeys stealing their lunch.
On the other hand
, some zoos
neither ensure safety
and well-being of Correct article usage
the safety
animals
nor do they provide them with their actual needs. Drawing from my own experience, I had been to
a safari trip in Change preposition
on
south africa
, Correct your spelling
South Africa
while
I was their
I could not help but notice some some rabbits are not eating well Replace the word
there
due to
lack
of food. Correct article usage
a lack
Moreover
, some other animals
were depressed; not only the zoo
owners are
responsible for all these issues. But Wrong verb form
were
also
, visitors of the zoo
must follow regularities and polices
that ensure Correct your spelling
policies
animals
are not being tortured or mistreated in any way. Therefore
, raising awareness among the public is crucial.
In conclusions
, whether we encourage Fix the agreement mistake
conclusion
zoos
or not; firstly
, consequences
of letting Correct article usage
the consequences
animals
go should be considered; subsequently
, safety should take precedence; ultimately, legislations
of Fix the agreement mistake
legislation
zoos
must be followed through raising awareness.Submitted by alamer_ma on
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logical structure
Improve the logical structure of your essay by ensuring each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates to your main argument.
introduction conclusion present
Enhance your introduction by clearly stating your opinion and briefly outlining the reasons for it. This will set a clearer roadmap for your essay.
logical structure
Use more linking words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will make your essay easier to follow.
supported main points
Ensure that each main point is fully developed and supported with clear examples or detailed explanations.
complete response
Be more specific about how raising awareness can protect animals in zoos. Provide more concrete examples or suggestions.
complete response
Your essay covers the topic well and addresses both sides of the argument.
relevant specific examples
You have included relevant examples from your own experiences, making your arguments more credible and relatable.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas are clear and presented in a comprehensive manner, covering various aspects of the topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example