Government should not have to provide care or financial support for elderly people because it is the responsibility of each person to prepare for retirement and support him or herself. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.
The amount of public money which is spent on providing care or financial support for elderly
people
has been one of the problems that some societies have been facing. In response to this
situation, some people
say that we should stop taking such
measures because it is the responsibility of each person to prepare for retirement and support him or herself. And, I strongly disagree with this
statement. This
essay will discuss this
topic and give the author's opinion.
First of all, according to
a survey, it is sure
that the amount of public financial Correct word choice
certain
resourses
used for social welfare accounts for high percentages of all Correct your spelling
resources
expenditure
in most societies. Because of Fix the agreement mistake
expenditures
this
, they sometimes need to rise
the tax rates to make up for the gaps. Correct your spelling
raise
Thus
, some people
say that we should reduce burdens on younger generations by cutting the budget for providing care or support for elderly people
. They believe that this
measure will reduce the burdens of younger generations and improve their economy.
However
, there is a different perspective that if we cut the budget for social welfare, most people
will think that they must save money for the
life after retirement. Correct article usage
apply
As a result
, they will hesitate to spend their money and their ecnomy
will be less improved than they expect. In Correct your spelling
economy
this
sense, I strongly express my objection to this
idea.
To sum up
, the amount of financial resources that we allocate to social welfare for elderly people
has been one of the serious issues in most societies. Although
some people
believe that reducing the cost of such
areas will lead to their
economic improvement, it will not Correct pronoun usage
apply
necessary
happen because citizens will start to save for their future.Change the adjective
necessarily
Submitted by m.kiyosu1997 on
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task achievement
The essay can be further strengthened by providing specific examples or data to support the main points. This would add depth and relevance to the argument.
task achievement
While the argument against cutting social welfare is well-presented, balancing both viewpoints with more nuanced details could improve comprehensiveness.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow by ensuring that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next, which will enhance the clarity of your argument.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction that states the writer's stance.
task achievement
Attempts are made to outline both sides of the argument, which shows an effort at providing a balanced viewpoint.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.