the chart below shows the proportion of people's total spending in a particular European country was spent on different commodities and services in 1958 and in 2008.

the chart below shows the proportion of people's total spending in a particular European country was spent on different commodities and services in 1958 and in 2008.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The pie chart
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
the percentages of
consuming
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
in six different services and commodities of European
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
in two years. Units are measured in percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the consumption of food
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
the highest common in 1958
whereas
Linking Words
housing consumption
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
the greatest in 2008. It can
also
Linking Words
be observed that the spending
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
entertainment and clothing
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased
while
Linking Words
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
luxury goods and
travel
Add a comma
travel,
show examples
transport
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased during the time period. Looking at luxury
good
Fix the agreement mistake
goods
show examples
, travel or transport and housing in
further
Linking Words
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
, it is evident that all the services
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
gradually increased during 2008.
Moreover
Linking Words
, housing accounted for about a third in 2008, which
double
Replace the word
doubles
show examples
luxury goods and travel or transport amount. Turning to the remaining statistic, the proportion of entertainment, food and clothing
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
dramatically went down between 1958 and 2008.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, food consumption
sighnificantly
Correct your spelling
significantly
declined from around a third to almost over 10%.
While
Linking Words
entertainment and clothing slightly decreased to six per cent and 16% respectively.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: