IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In many countries, more and more people choose to buy imported food rather than produced locally. Why people buy imported food?What could be done to encourge people to buy local food?

#countries #people #food #encourge
Nowadays, many people prefer buying imported
food
 to purchasing local
food
.
This
 author believes that people choose
food
 imported from other countries
due to
 its standards.
However
,
this
 can be solved by improving the
quality
 of products. It is obvious that
food
 from overseas countries is consumed more than locally. There is no doubt that the censorships in other countries are stricter,
thus
 the
food
’s
quality
 is ensured to be safe for the consumers.
Consequently
, they have little interest in local
food
, leading to low consumption of domestic
food
. A good example of
this
 is that strawberries planted in America are safer and bigger than in Vietnam,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is why they have higher consumption than in Vietnam. It is a complex issue but can be dealt with by local improvement. It is evidence that the locals often overlook the process of manufacturing, which is the most imperative step to ensure
quality
.
Thus
, the safety level is not assured and cannot gain the trust of the buyers.
Hence
, strict censorship should be responsible for domestic
food
 before being allocated to improve the responsibility of businesses to the community and develop the nation’s
food
 market. The best example of
this
 is the pomelos in Vietnam are bought a lot by local residents because of their safety and taste. Taking everything into account, domestic
food
 is less purchased than foreign
food
 because of the safety and
quality
 of products.
However
, it can be addressed by local strictness in the manufacturing process.

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coherence cohesion
To strengthen the coherence and cohesion, make sure to use a wider range of cohesive devices. While some linking words and phrases were used, incorporating a variety of them can make the transitions between points smoother.
task achievement
In order to improve the clarity of ideas, focus on developing each point more thoroughly. Providing additional explanations or details could help in making your arguments more comprehensive and easier to follow.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the prompt, addressing both why people buy imported food and how to encourage them to buy local food.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-defined, helping to give the essay a clear structure.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, like strawberries in America and pomelos in Vietnam, helps to illustrate the points being made and adds relevance to the arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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