Some people think all young people should be required to have full-time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Many residents have an opinion that most of the
time
people
e
spend before 18 Correct pronoun usage
apply
years
old should be fully on
Change preposition
in
school
. This
writer completely agrees with this
opinion because the benefits of improving citizens’ intelligent
Replace the word
intelligence
better
when Add a missing verb
are better
people
can have more time
to focus on studying, moreover
the quality of people
in school
can also
improve a lot.
Firstly
and foremost, It can be seen that before 18 years
old is the best time
for any people
to focus on studying because they do not need to worry about the economy or how to survive in modern
era. Add an article
the modern
Therefore
, having an enormous time
to prepare for the future by studying can increase the citizens’ intelligent
a lot. Replace the word
intelligence
Furthermore
, the brains’
structure of Change noun form
brains
people
who under
18 Add a missing verb
are under
years
old can be easy to change in the
better way if they spend their Correct article usage
a
time
on
studying at Change preposition
apply
school
. Lots of study
show that Change to a plural noun
studies
children’
Change noun form
children’s
brain
do not have many Fix the agreement mistake
brains
different
Replace the word
differences
with
the elderly but the ability Change preposition
from
of
absorb knowledge Replace the preposition
to
in
Change preposition
at
the
early age is better than the elderly because there are Correct article usage
an
many
small Replace the quantifier
much
detail
of the brain support Change to a plural noun
details
for
studying.
Change preposition
apply
Secondly
, kids are the kind of people
that quite sensitive with
the changing of the era, so teachers in schools can Change preposition
to
easy to
control the character of each student when they Replace the word
easily
was
young. Wrong verb form
are
People
at
the same Change preposition
with
peer
will hard to teach each other because everyone Fix the agreement mistake
peers
have
their own ego which Change the verb form
has
prevent
Change the verb form
prevents
the
communication between Correct article usage
apply
people
to people
in the class. Many permanent education centers
are in trouble with the adults when they do not want to Change the spelling
centres
listening
to their teachers, there are Change the verb
listen
also
many fighting
in Fix the agreement mistake
fights
school
which occurred by the
Correct article usage
apply
adults
students.
In conclusion, Fix the agreement mistake
adult
this
author has an agreement that students should have a full-time
education before they reach 18 years
old because this
is the most crucial period for people’
development. Change noun form
people’s
Additionally
, young
generation can be taught effectively without a big ego.Add an article
the young
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task achievement
Clarify some of your points and avoid repetition. For example, both the first and second paragraphs stress on focusing on education to enhance intelligence. Streamline your arguments to avoid redundancy and make your main points more distinct.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to illustrate your points. For instance, mention specific studies or statistics that show the benefits of full-time education until 18. This will provide more concrete support for your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure logical progression throughout the essay. Some points feel slightly disjointed. Ensure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next, enhancing overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Words like 'Moreover', 'However', 'In addition' help guide the reader through your essay and make your arguments clearer.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your stance on the issue and outlines the reasons you will discuss. This is a strong way to begin the essay.
task achievement
You have made valid points regarding the benefits of full-time education till 18, particularly how it shapes intelligence and character. These points are relevant to the prompt and support your stance.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well organized with separate paragraphs for different ideas. This structure helps the reader follow your argumentation.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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