Some people think all young people should be required to have full-time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Many residents have an opinion that most of the
time
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
e
spend before 18 Correct pronoun usage
apply
years
old should be fully Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
school
. Use synonyms
This
writer completely agrees with Linking Words
this
opinion because the benefits of improving citizens’ Linking Words
intelligent
Replace the word
intelligence
better
when Add a missing verb
are better
people
can have more Use synonyms
time
to focus on studying, Use synonyms
moreover
the quality of Linking Words
people
in Use synonyms
school
can Use synonyms
also
improve a lot.
Linking Words
Firstly
and foremost, It can be seen that before 18 Linking Words
years
old is the best Use synonyms
time
for any Use synonyms
people
to focus on studying because they do not need to worry about the economy or how to survive in Use synonyms
modern
era. Add an article
the modern
Therefore
, having an enormous Linking Words
time
to prepare for the future by studying can increase the citizens’ Use synonyms
intelligent
a lot. Replace the word
intelligence
Furthermore
, the Linking Words
brains’
structure of Change noun form
brains
people
who Use synonyms
under
18 Add a missing verb
are under
years
old can be easy to change in Use synonyms
the
better way if they spend their Correct article usage
a
time
Use synonyms
on
studying at Change preposition
apply
school
. Lots of Use synonyms
study
show that Change to a plural noun
studies
children’
Change noun form
children’s
brain
do not have many Fix the agreement mistake
brains
different
Replace the word
differences
with
the elderly but the ability Change preposition
from
of
absorb knowledge Replace the preposition
to
in
Change preposition
at
the
early age is better than the elderly because there are Correct article usage
an
many
small Replace the quantifier
much
detail
of the brain support Change to a plural noun
details
for
studying.
Change preposition
apply
Secondly
, kids are the kind of Linking Words
people
that quite sensitive Use synonyms
with
the changing of the era, so teachers in schools can Change preposition
to
easy to
control the character of each student when they Replace the word
easily
was
young. Wrong verb form
are
People
Use synonyms
at
the same Change preposition
with
peer
will hard to teach each other because everyone Fix the agreement mistake
peers
have
their own ego which Change the verb form
has
prevent
Change the verb form
prevents
the
communication between Correct article usage
apply
people
to Use synonyms
people
in the class. Many permanent education Use synonyms
centers
are in trouble with the adults when they do not want to Change the spelling
centres
listening
to their teachers, there are Change the verb
listen
also
many Linking Words
fighting
in Fix the agreement mistake
fights
school
which occurred by Use synonyms
the
Correct article usage
apply
adults
students.
In conclusion, Fix the agreement mistake
adult
this
author has an agreement that students should have a full-Linking Words
time
education before they reach 18 Use synonyms
years
old because Use synonyms
this
is the most crucial period for Linking Words
Use synonyms
people’
development. Change noun form
people’s
Additionally
, Linking Words
young
generation can be taught effectively without a big ego.Add an article
the young
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task achievement
Clarify some of your points and avoid repetition. For example, both the first and second paragraphs stress on focusing on education to enhance intelligence. Streamline your arguments to avoid redundancy and make your main points more distinct.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to illustrate your points. For instance, mention specific studies or statistics that show the benefits of full-time education until 18. This will provide more concrete support for your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure logical progression throughout the essay. Some points feel slightly disjointed. Ensure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next, enhancing overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Words like 'Moreover', 'However', 'In addition' help guide the reader through your essay and make your arguments clearer.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your stance on the issue and outlines the reasons you will discuss. This is a strong way to begin the essay.
task achievement
You have made valid points regarding the benefits of full-time education till 18, particularly how it shapes intelligence and character. These points are relevant to the prompt and support your stance.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well organized with separate paragraphs for different ideas. This structure helps the reader follow your argumentation.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.