Nowadays, more and more people from different cities are spending more time away from their families. What are the possible reasons and effects on the people themselves and their families.

The contemporary society, an increasing number of citizens from other cities are investing lots of
time
away from their
families
.
This
writer believes that
this
is a positive development
due to
they do not waste
this
time
, it
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
more
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
a growing nation. It must be understood that far from
families
to serve themselves even their family and their necessaries.
This
is especially so if
people
spend their
time
at work and study, they will succeed in their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
Therefore
,
people
leave their
families
to get knowledge and earn money, when they succeed and earn enough money, they turn back and support their
families
. Spending
time
away from
families
to get good opportunities to open the door which get closer to a wealthy life.
For example
,
people
from different cities work with the main purpose is earning more money to support their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
and
families
. Another point to consider is
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the impact of taking away
far
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
families
for a long
time
. When
people
start on the way which
spend
Change the verb form
spends
show examples
time
on work and not on family
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
, they lack income
due to
they depended on
family
Add an article
the family
show examples
before and are in difficult situations about their first
finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
show examples
.
For instance
, juveniles survive on their family because family is the main provision to consume and learn at least 18 years old.
Besides
that, many
introvert
Change to a plural noun
introverts
show examples
cannot suffer the alone and the neglect condition so the result led to an observation appearing in each individual. In conclusion,
this
issue has both negative and positive impacts on their life.
This
essay has shown both the positive result and the
impactthey
Correct your spelling
impact they
have to suffer.

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task achievement
The essay tends to move away from the topic occasionally, and some points need more development. Try to keep the focus on how spending time away affects people and their families.
task achievement
Ideas sometimes lack clarity. Work on expressing your arguments more clearly and concisely.
task achievement
Your essay would benefit from more specific examples to support your points. This will strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Some sections lack clear logical connections. Ensure that each point naturally follows from the previous one and leads to the next.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provide a good structure.
task achievement
You have addressed both reasons and effects, which shows a comprehensive approach to the topic.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Professional commitments
  • Economic factors
  • Career opportunities
  • Demanding careers
  • High-paying jobs
  • Higher education
  • Prestigious universities
  • Specialized training programs
  • Economic opportunities
  • Living costs
  • Healthcare services
  • Medical treatments
  • Feeling of loneliness
  • Stress levels
  • Mental health issues
  • Lack of family support
  • Close relationships
  • Weakened family bonds
  • Communication gaps
  • Emotional distress
  • Physical separation
  • Strain on marital relationships
  • Parenting
  • Personal freedom
  • Social interactions
  • Lifestyle choices
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