Nowadays, more and more people from different cities are spending more time away from their families. What are the possible reasons and effects on the people themselves and their families.
The contemporary society, an increasing number of citizens from other cities are investing lots of
time
away from their families
. This
writer believes that this
is a positive development due to
they do not waste this
time
, it bring
more Change the verb form
brings
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
for
a growing nation.
It must be understood that far from Change preposition
to
families
to serve themselves even their family and their necessaries. This
is especially so if people
spend their time
at work and study, they will succeed in their career
. Fix the agreement mistake
careers
Therefore
, people
leave their families
to get knowledge and earn money, when they succeed and earn enough money, they turn back and support their families
. Spending time
away from families
to get good opportunities to open the door which get closer to a wealthy life. For example
, people
from different cities work with the main purpose is earning more money to support their life
and Fix the agreement mistake
lives
families
.
Another point to consider is that
the impact of taking away Correct word choice
apply
far
Correct word choice
apply
families
for a long time
. When people
start on the way which spend
Change the verb form
spends
time
on work and not on family most
, they lack income Correct quantifier usage
apply
due to
they depended on family
before and are in difficult situations about their first Add an article
the family
finance
. Fix the agreement mistake
finances
For instance
, juveniles survive on their family because family is the main provision to consume and learn at least 18 years old. Besides
that, many introvert
cannot suffer the alone and the neglect condition so the result led to an observation appearing in each individual.
In conclusion, Change to a plural noun
introverts
this
issue has both negative and positive impacts on their life. This
essay has shown both the positive result and the impactthey
have to suffer.Correct your spelling
impact they
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task achievement
The essay tends to move away from the topic occasionally, and some points need more development. Try to keep the focus on how spending time away affects people and their families.
task achievement
Ideas sometimes lack clarity. Work on expressing your arguments more clearly and concisely.
task achievement
Your essay would benefit from more specific examples to support your points. This will strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Some sections lack clear logical connections. Ensure that each point naturally follows from the previous one and leads to the next.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provide a good structure.
task achievement
You have addressed both reasons and effects, which shows a comprehensive approach to the topic.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite