Nowadays, more and more people from different cities are spending on more time away from their families. What are the possibl reasons and the effects on the people themselves and their families?

#people #cities #time #families #possibl #effects

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In the present day, more and more people from various cities are

using

Verb problem

spending

show examples

time

Use synonyms

to get a long distance with their domesticity. The main reasons are earning a living and satisfying their ambition.

Additionally

Linking Words

, they will feel alone and their families feel they are burdens. The principal cause of lack of

time

Use synonyms

home

Use synonyms

is making money. Residents tend to go out in order to create a profit and enhance their

finance

Fix the agreement mistake

finances

show examples

rather than stay at

home

Use synonyms

due to

Linking Words

unemployment.

In addition

Linking Words

, they have to save money and afford various

expenditure

Fix the agreement mistake

expenditures

show examples

such

Linking Words

as electricity and water fees.

As a consequence

Linking Words

, people

relinquish

Wrong verb form

relinquishing

show examples

an occupation may lead family to a poverty-stricken situation.

This

Linking Words

is a fact in the USA where the citizens must look for a career

instead

Linking Words

of spare

time

Use synonyms

with family. Turning to another point worth considering is that the inhabitants have a thirst for finishing their

dream

Fix the agreement mistake

dreams

show examples

In other words

Linking Words

, they want to travel

into

Change preposition

show examples

diverse countries and discover cuisine or culture.

Moreover

Linking Words

, they

also

Linking Words

run their own business or experience luxury services which they have never tried before.

As a result

Linking Words

, the dwellers usually spend

time

Use synonyms

on their hobbies

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

that

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

reduce

Correct subject-verb agreement

reduces

show examples

stress and pressure.

However

Linking Words

, the citizens may be alone and nobody

take

Change the verb form

takes

show examples

care of them. They can be depressed and even fed up

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

because of

lack

Correct article usage

a lack

show examples

of family.

Besides

Linking Words

that, they will

memorize

Verb problem

remember

show examples

relatives and want to go back

home

Use synonyms

immediately.

Nevertheless

Linking Words

, the difficulties in their life always prevent humans from coming

home

Use synonyms

. With respect to family members, they may feel they are

burden

Add an article

a burden

show examples

that the breadwinner must carry them.

Therefore

Linking Words

, they should spare more

time

Use synonyms

Change preposition

for

show examples

the dominant humans to share

Correct article usage

the

show examples

burden. Taking all points into account, the primary reasons are the financial purpose and ambitious aim.

Hence

Linking Words

, the possible effects are loneliness and guilty

feeling

Fix the agreement mistake

feelings

show examples

Mon Jun 10 2024

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vocabulary

Try to use more precise and varied vocabulary. Some words and phrases are being used repetitively or inaccurately. For example, instead of 'get a long distance with their domesticity,' consider 'spending more time away from their families.'

grammar

Be careful with grammatical mistakes, such as subject-verb agreement and article usage. For example, 'residents tend to go out in order to create a profit' should be 'residents tend to go out in order to earn a profit.'

clarity

Expand on ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Some points are mentioned but not thoroughly explained. For instance, when discussing 'finishing their dream,' elaborate on what specific ambitions people are pursuing.

content

You have identified multiple reasons and effects of spending more time away from families, which shows a good understanding of the topic.

structure

The essay presents a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

variety

You have attempted to use a variety of sentence structures, which adds some complexity to your writing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

16
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

305 words

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Nowadays, more and more people from different cities are spending on more time away from their families. What are the possibl reasons and the effects on the people themselves and their families?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

‎ Some young people leave the countryside to live in cities or towns, leaving only ‎older people in the countryside. What are the problems of this issue? What can ‎be done to solve this problem?‎

Some people feel a country can't be economically progressive and environmentally friendly at the same time. Others disagree with this view. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

Young people often copy the behaviour of famous people, so celebrities should only be allowed to advertise healthy food or drink and should not encourage unhealthy habits such as smoking. Do you agree or disagree?