IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph below shows the percentage of people in Africa subscribing to mobile and fixed-line phones from 1994 to 2004.

The line graph below shows the percentage of people in Africa subscribing to mobile and fixed-line phones from 1994 to 2004.
#line #percentage #people #africa #fixed-line #phones
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The line graph illustrates the proportion of telephone subscribers in
Africa
Replace the word
African
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country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
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amont
Correct your spelling
among
amount
 two different categories namely mobile and
fixed-line
Use synonyms
 phones between 1994 and 2004.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that there was an increase in the percentage of individuals subscribing to mobile and
fixed-line
Use synonyms
 over the period
time
Change preposition
of time
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. The rate
fore
Correct your spelling
for
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fixed-line
Use synonyms
 was the highest but in 2001, it was overtaken by the figure for mobile over the decade. Looking at the data for
fixed-line
Use synonyms
 phones, it began
with
Change preposition
at
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 1,7% , followed by a slow
fluctuate
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fluctuation
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 through
Correct article usage
a 10-years
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10-years
Correct your spelling
10-year
 period and in the year 2004, it
final
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finally
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 rose to 3,1%. Moving to the figure for mobile phones, it started at 0,06%,
was
Correct pronoun usage
which was
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 low
to compare
Change the verb form
compared
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 to the others, after which it experienced a gradual growth to approximately 1,6% in 2000.
Then
Linking Words
 it witnessed a dramatic
rocketed
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rocket
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 to 8,8% in the
last
Linking Words
 year of the period and that was surpassed the proportion for
fixed-line
Use synonyms
 telephones,
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
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 the highest figure from 2002 onwards.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words fixed-line with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Telecommunications
  • Subscription
  • Fixed-line phone
  • Mobile phone
  • Percentage
  • Growth
  • Decline
  • Trend
  • Significant
  • Stagnation
  • Advancements
  • Affordability
  • Convenience
  • Implications
  • Economy
  • Society
  • Prediction
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