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Band 3

nowadays, more and more people from different cities are spending more time away from their families. what are the possible reasons and the effects on the people themselves and their families?

#people #cities #time #families #effects
Nowadays, many
people
 from different
cities
 are spending most of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 time away from their
families
.
This
 writer believes that
this
 is a positive impact
due to
improve
Change the verb form
improving
show examples
 their
life
. It is vital to understand that spending more time away from their
families
 is one of the most effective ways to their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
People
 who live in rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 cannot easily find a
high salary
Add a hyphen
high-salary
show examples
 job.
Besides
, rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
has
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not
lots
 of common
profession
Fix the agreement mistake
professions
show examples
than
Change preposition
as
show examples
 big
city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
show examples
.
Moreover
, many
cities
 have
lots
 of education systems and job opportunities for
people
 to choose them.
For instance
, in Vietnam, many parents take their children to private
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 in the big
cities
. It ensures
child
Correct article usage
a child
show examples
’ development and
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
future. Another point to consider is
that
is
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
 has a positive impact on their
life
 and their
families
. First of all,
people
 cannot depend on their
families
.
Therefore
, it makes
people
 become more independent.
Besides
, there are
lots
 of experiences for them to acquire their knowledge and their skills
such
 as communication skills and social skills.
Moreover
,
people
 can earn
lots
 of money to support their
families
.
For instance
, many young
people
 travel abroad to experience and spread their awareness. In conclusion, it has
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 impact on their
life
. It is a
one step
Add a hyphen
one-step
show examples
 forward to improve themselves and their family.
Besides
, it
modernize
Change the verb form
modernizes
show examples
 the
cities
 and rural areas

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points, which will strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical connections between your paragraphs. Using transitional phrases or sentences can help make the flow of your essay more natural.
language
Pay attention to grammar and sentence structure to make your writing clearer and more understandable.
structure
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction and conclusion.
content
You provided a variety of reasons and considerations for people spending more time away from their families, which demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Professional commitments
  • Economic factors
  • Career opportunities
  • Demanding careers
  • High-paying jobs
  • Higher education
  • Prestigious universities
  • Specialized training programs
  • Economic opportunities
  • Living costs
  • Healthcare services
  • Medical treatments
  • Feeling of loneliness
  • Stress levels
  • Mental health issues
  • Lack of family support
  • Close relationships
  • Weakened family bonds
  • Communication gaps
  • Emotional distress
  • Physical separation
  • Strain on marital relationships
  • Parenting
  • Personal freedom
  • Social interactions
  • Lifestyle choices
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