IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Differences between countries are becoming less evident. Nowadays people are watching the same films, fashion, brands, advertisements and TV channels. To whta extent do the disadvantages of this outweigh the advantages?

#differences #countries #people #films #fashion #brands #advertisements #tv #channels #whta #outweigh
Differences among nations are becoming less perceptible these days as
people
 all over the world are sharing the same lifestyle, technology, fashion, foods, advertisements, and entertainment programmes.
As a result
, cultural identity and traditions are in peril. The following essay advocates that the disadvantages outweigh the benefits of
this
 trend. The first benefit of
this
 trend is that international brands can produce goods on a mass scale, and the manufacturing cost becomes cheaper.
As a result
, consumers enjoy the advantage of buying products from global brands at an affordable price.
Secondly
,
people
 all over the world share the same culinary experience, and
that is
 why they have more food options than ever before.
For example
,
people
 around the globe can now purchase food based on their preference, whether it is Chinese, Indian or Western food or brands.
Furthermore
,
this
 trend reduces the cultural barrier and brings
people
 under a common platform where
people
 will have more knowledge and respect about other nations and their customs.
On the contrary
, the globalisation of the fashion, entertainment and culinary industries
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 some severe negative sides.
First,
many
people
 abandon their cultural values
due to
this
, which hurts the identity of a country.
Besides
, foreign television shows have negative influences on young
people
. Many global TV channels,
for example
, show programmes that are sensitive to other cultures.
However
, as these shows are easily accessible nowadays, many young
people
 follow them, and
as a consequence
, adopt a non-acceptable lifestyle and life choices. In conclusion, the globalisation of fashion, advertising, culinary and entertainment products
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 both advantages and disadvantages. But, carefully considering both, I strongly feel that it has more negative effects than positive aspects.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position throughout and addresses the task effectively. However, it would benefit from more developed specific examples to support your points. For instance, adding a specific example of a country losing its cultural identity would strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Ensure that every main idea is consistently supported by appropriate details and examples. This will make your points more persuasive and your argument more coherent.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion effectively.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is strong, making it easy for readers to follow your argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: