Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child's development while others think that it is important for children to go to school. Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion.

Many
people
think that homeschooling
children
is the best way for their development,
while
others believe
that is
necessary for
kids
to go to
school
. In my view, enrolling juveniles
Change preposition
in
show examples
to
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in
show examples
school
is the best way to teach them about many valuable things in life. Currently, homeschooling has been popular among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents
due to
the pandemic situation which has been
occurred
Wrong verb form
occurring
show examples
lately. There are some benefits of teaching
children
at home
such
as flexibility of time, learning from the nearest source, and they do not have to travel to go to
school
.
However
, there is a huge disadvantage
of
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to
show examples
distance learning.
Kids
are not interacting directly with their peers, resulting in
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
are might be not confident to deal with other
people
. On the other side, many think that going to
school
is essential for
children
's development.
While
they are in
school
, professional teachers who are capable
for
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of
show examples
teaching them are in charge
for
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of
show examples
their learning,
thus
it will make them develop maturely.
Besides
that, by enrolling
kids
in
school
, they can acquire many friends that are important for improving their social skills. Having numerous friends from different kinds of backgrounds can enrich
kids
’ view of the world.
Furthermore
, it will increase their empathy and sympathy
to
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for
show examples
all
people
. One clear example is when youngsters interact with each other, they learn how to become
good
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a good
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friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
to
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with
show examples
each other,
hence
it will make them a greater person. In conclusion,
while
be
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being
show examples
able to do distant learning is great, teaching
children
directly in
school
is still the best way for developing young
people
.
This
is because
kids
can interact with their peers and be taught by professional teachers directly.
Submitted by nputera.ramadhani on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more transitional words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments. Using appropriate linking words such as 'furthermore,' 'moreover,' and 'however' consistently throughout your essay would make the logical flow even clearer.
task achievement
For a higher task response score, endeavor to delve deeper into the arguments. For instance, expand on the disadvantages of homeschooling and further elaborate on why school environments foster development.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and well-structured introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion effectively.
task achievement
The essay does a good job in presenting both sides of the argument, providing balanced viewpoints on homeschooling and traditional schooling.
coherence cohesion
The essay makes a strong conclusion by summarizing the key points and reiterating the writer’s own opinion effectively.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Tailored learning
  • peer pressure
  • flexibility
  • instill values
  • socialization
  • communication skills
  • specialized facilities
  • extracurricular activities
  • diversity
  • structured environment
  • customized education
  • well-rounded education
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