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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child's development while others think that it is important for children to go to school. Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion.

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Many
people
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 think that homeschooling
children
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 is the best way for their development,
while
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 others believe
that is
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 necessary for
kids
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 to go to
school
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. In my view, enrolling juveniles
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in
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to
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in
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school
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 is the best way to teach them about many valuable things in life. Currently, homeschooling has been popular among
the
Correct article usage
apply
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parents
due to
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 the pandemic situation which has been
occurred
Wrong verb form
occurring
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 lately. There are some benefits of teaching
children
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 at home
such
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 as flexibility of time, learning from the nearest source, and they do not have to travel to go to
school
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.
However
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, there is a huge disadvantage
of
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to
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 distance learning.
Kids
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 are not interacting directly with their peers, resulting in
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 are might be not confident to deal with other
people
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. On the other side, many think that going to
school
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 is essential for
children
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's development.
While
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 they are in
school
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, professional teachers who are capable
for
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of
show examples
 teaching them are in charge
for
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of
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 their learning,
thus
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 it will make them develop maturely.
Besides
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 that, by enrolling
kids
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 in
school
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, they can acquire many friends that are important for improving their social skills. Having numerous friends from different kinds of backgrounds can enrich
kids
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’ view of the world.
Furthermore
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, it will increase their empathy and sympathy
to
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for
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 all
people
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. One clear example is when youngsters interact with each other, they learn how to become
good
Add an article
a good
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friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
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to
Change preposition
with
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 each other,
hence
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 it will make them a greater person. In conclusion,
while
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be
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being
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 able to do distant learning is great, teaching
children
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 directly in
school
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 is still the best way for developing young
people
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.
This
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 is because
kids
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 can interact with their peers and be taught by professional teachers directly.

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more transitional words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments. Using appropriate linking words such as 'furthermore,' 'moreover,' and 'however' consistently throughout your essay would make the logical flow even clearer.
task achievement
For a higher task response score, endeavor to delve deeper into the arguments. For instance, expand on the disadvantages of homeschooling and further elaborate on why school environments foster development.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and well-structured introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion effectively.
task achievement
The essay does a good job in presenting both sides of the argument, providing balanced viewpoints on homeschooling and traditional schooling.
coherence cohesion
The essay makes a strong conclusion by summarizing the key points and reiterating the writer’s own opinion effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Tailored learning
  • peer pressure
  • flexibility
  • instill values
  • socialization
  • communication skills
  • specialized facilities
  • extracurricular activities
  • diversity
  • structured environment
  • customized education
  • well-rounded education
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