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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

It is thought by some that computers are more of a hindrance than a help in society. others believe that they are such indispensable device that people would not be able to live or work in their absence. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some
people
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 believe that society has become too dependent on
computers
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,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that modern life would be impossible without them.
Although
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 excessive
use
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 of technology can have negative effects, I believe
computers
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 are essential in today’s world, as long as they are used in a balanced way. On the one hand, relying too much on
computers
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 can weaken important skills. Many
people
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use
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 the internet to find answers to even simple questions
instead
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 of thinking for themselves.
As a result
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, critical thinking and problem-solving abilities may decline.
For example
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, students sometimes copy information directly from websites
instead
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 of developing their own ideas, which limits creativity.
In addition
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, heavy computer
use
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 can lead to internet addiction.
People
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 may spend less time communicating face-to-face, which can damage their ability to build strong and meaningful relationships.
On the other hand
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,
computers
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 play a vital role in many areas of life. In healthcare, they are used to store patient records and assist with medical research, which improves efficiency and accuracy. In education, online learning platforms allow students to study from anywhere in the world.
This
Linking Words
 makes education more accessible, especially for those who live far from schools or universities.
Furthermore
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,
computers
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 make global communication easier, helping
people
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 stay connected with family and friends regardless of distance. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 overdependence on
computers
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 can negatively affect individuals and society, they are an essential part of modern life. The key is to
use
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 technology wisely and maintain a healthy balance between digital and real-world interactions.

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development
Add more detail on each idea with one or two extra examples.
structure
Keep a clear set of ideas; make a good intro, body parts with 'On the one hand' / 'On the other hand' and a strong end.
language
Use more linking words but keep them simple; words like also, however, and so help.
accuracy
Check for any wrong fact or wrong claim; make sure examples match the point.
style
Short sentences can help; aim for plain style and not too long lines.
structure
Clear view stated in intro and kept to end.
content
Balanced view with both sides and a clear example.
coherence
Good use of 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand'.
examples
Real world examples (health care, online learning) show use.
summary
Conclusion restates view.
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