You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. In Some Countries, Celebrities Complain About how The Media Publicize Their Private Lives. Some People Say that They Should Accept It as Part of Their Fame.* Do You Agree or Disagree? You should write at least 250 words
In certain parts of the world,
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
people
whine about how their private today life is shared. However
other people
think they should agree to it because of their popularity. In my own opinion l strongly disagree with this
because celebrities
should not accept the consequence
of their fame.
Fix the agreement mistake
consequences
Firstly
, celebrities
are people
who are entitled to their privacy just like everyone else though they have a
chosen a path that they are on the Correct article usage
apply
spot light
that does not mean they want their personal life to be the same as their job. Correct your spelling
spotlight
For example
, many celebrities
in my country Zimbabwe are facing cyber bullying
because of how their lives are displayed in Correct your spelling
cyberbullying
the
public and Correct article usage
apply
by
Change preposition
because of
this
many are committing suicide. Even so, the right to privacy is very important and it helps people
live a better life.
Secondly
, the media usually publicize information that they think it
is true or even Correct pronoun usage
apply
rumors
from social media platforms like Change the spelling
rumours
facebook
, Capitalize word
Facebook
instagram
and Change the capitalization
Instagram
twitter
. Most information is spread through those channels because of the attraction they bring to Capitalize word
Twitter
people
. By doing this
most of the celebrities
works
with companies. Correct subject-verb agreement
work
For instance
, a football player in America was
accused of rape and jailed for six years in prison had to shutter his dreams because of how the Correct pronoun usage
who was
rumors
spread. Change the spelling
rumours
However
, publicizing of celebrities
often leads to consequences and loss of jobs.
In conclusion, l believe that celebrities
should do what they want with their lives and should not be forced to accept the invasion of privacy. While
being a public figure has its disadvantages but
they should not ruin their mental health and well-being.Correct word choice
apply
Submitted by sisalt100 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position, which is excellent. However, you could further develop your arguments with more specific examples and details. This will strengthen your essay by providing concrete evidence to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Nevertheless, some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, linking phrases like 'Moreover,' 'Furthermore,' or 'In addition to' can help in making your essay flow more naturally.
coherence cohesion
It is important to be precise in your language. For instance, some phrases like 'shutter his dreams' could be refined to be more accurate and avoid idiomatic errors. Consider rephrasing to 'shattered his dreams.'
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, both of which contribute to the overall coherence of the essay.
task achievement
You have addressed the prompt effectively by providing a stance and supporting arguments. This shows a good level of task achievement.
task achievement
Inclusivity of examples related to cyberbullying and the football player helps to illustrate your points more vividly.