IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

It is important for all towns and cities to have large public outdoor places like squares and parks. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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It is argued that it is crucial for all towns to have huge public outdoor areas
such
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 as squares and parks. In my opinion, I strongly agree because those areas allow
people
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 to do some special activities together, including national celebrations, social activities, and traditional events.
Furthermore
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, these kinds of
places
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 can become famous sights, encouraging tourists to visit.
Firstly
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, there are a lot of public spaces that the government uses to create special events for
people
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, especially national festivals.
This
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 is because most
people
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 love to go outside their houses to celebrate and have leisure activities on the national holiday.
For example
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, the Songkran Festival, which is a traditional holiday in Thailand, motivated young
people
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 and families to splash water on each other to reduce the hot temperature in the country. The government always provides public spaces, where are parks or streets, where
people
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 enjoy playing together. Without those areas,
this
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 festival could not have occurred
this
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 festival.
Secondly
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, the large public squares are always suitable for travellers. There are numerous landmarks around the world that many tourists love to visit and choose to be their ideal destinations.
Moreover
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, many visitors spend much time enjoying, photographing, and relaxing in these particular
places
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.
For instance
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, there is a gigantic monumental outdoor area located in the middle of Bangkok. Every day, there are a ton of tourists who visit
this
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 place, and they enjoy capturing their photos and
also
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 buying some souvenirs.
Thus
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, it is important for all towns and cities to have available public
places
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. In conclusion, there are clear advantages for all provinces and countries to have enormous outdoor spaces because they can be used for special events
such
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 as national celebrations, cultural ceremonies, and so on.
Lastly
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, these kinds of
places
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 generate high income from tourist attractions.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure that your arguments are clearly developed and linked to your main point. For example, in the first body paragraph, the transition from discussing the Songkran Festival to the necessity of public spaces could be more explicit.
task achievement
Avoid redundancy in your writing. The phrase 'this festival could not have occurred this festival' should be revised for clarity and conciseness.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas. Phrases like 'gigantic monumental outdoor area' could be simplified or varied to enhance readability.
task achievement
Your clear stance on the topic shows confidence in your opinion, which is great for establishing your position at the beginning of the essay.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, like the Songkran Festival and the description of tourist activities in Bangkok, strengthens your arguments significantly.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public outdoor spaces
  • community events
  • social cohesion
  • community engagement
  • quality of urban life
  • physical activities
  • public health and wellbeing
  • environmental benefits
  • reduce pollution
  • urban wildlife
  • aesthetic appeal
  • inclusive access
  • economic benefits
  • local businesses
  • tourists attractions
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