IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is better to learn the way people lived in past through films and videos records than written documents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Learning about ancient
people
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 is important, many
people
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 consider learning about past
people
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 can affect younger generations
as well as
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 adults positively.
However
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, learning through animations and videos could be useful and of great value rather than written documents. I strongly agree with
such
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intriguing
Correct article usage
an intriguing
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 idea. At
first,
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learning from visible scenes is more powerful than any other
methods
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method
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. ‘’National
geographic
Capitalize word
Geographic
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’’ is a scientific channel that demonstrated
a
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apply
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great success during the
last
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 ten years. An entire generation who
grown
Wrong verb form
grew
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 up watching
this
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 channel
documentations
Fix the agreement mistake
documentation
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 show
a
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apply
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significant enlightenment and knowledge. Knowledge about history is mandatory for preservation of the social identity and implanting concepts
that
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 obligatory for the young generations to follow in order to defend their countries as their ancestors have done. Meanwhile, knowledge gained through visualization is stable as
person’s
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a person’s
show examples
 brain during gaining ideas is not subjected to any
sorts
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sort
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 of distraction,
while
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 during reading the brain tries to
Imagin
Verb problem
Imagine
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 and read at the same time
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this
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which
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 could lead to
loss
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the loss
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 of some aspects
while
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 reading.
Secondly
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, many
people
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 especially old
people
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 prefer reading over watching movies as they find it more interesting to
imagen
Verb problem
imagine
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 the
scene
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 in your unique way, despite the experience of individual imagination rather than
bien
Correct your spelling
being
 constricted by a
scene
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, I believe that it is impossible for a written document to illustrate whatever visualized
scene
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 can demonstrate.
Although
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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modern societies nowadays
man
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many
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people
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are avoiding
Wrong verb form
avoid
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 books and prefer to watch television
instead
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, that’s why films and movies have to be the perfect way to
interduce
Correct your spelling
introduce
 ancient humans. In conclusion, I believe that
I
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apply
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movies and scenes have a great privilege
over written
Correct your spelling
overwritten
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Use synonyms
scene
Fix the agreement mistake
scenes
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 nowadays and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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deliver
the
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apply
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historical ideas specifically.
However
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, respect
to
Change preposition
for
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 all types of historical documents should be mentioned.

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task achievement
Add more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For example, mention a particular documentary or film about ancient people that has had a significant impact.
task achievement
Work on minimizing grammatical errors and improving sentence structure for better clarity. Proofread your essay to catch any spelling or grammatical mistakes, and consider using more complex sentence structures where appropriate.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Consider using more linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a consistent point of view and stay focused on the main topic throughout the essay. Avoid deviating into tangential ideas.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay clearly introduces the topic and provides a conclusion that summarizes your points effectively.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion and support it with specific points, which makes your argument convincing.
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