IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

It is better to learn the way people lived in past through films and videos records than written documents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #films #videos #records #documents
Learning about ancient
people
 is important, many
people
 consider learning about past
people
 can affect younger generations
as well as
 adults positively.
However
, learning through animations and videos could be useful and of great value rather than written documents. I strongly agree with
such
intriguing
Correct article usage
an intriguing
show examples
 idea. At
first,
learning from visible scenes is more powerful than any other
methods
Fix the agreement mistake
method
show examples
. ‘’National
geographic
Capitalize word
Geographic
show examples
’’ is a scientific channel that demonstrated
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
great success during the
last
 ten years. An entire generation who
grown
Wrong verb form
grew
show examples
 up watching
this
 channel
documentations
Fix the agreement mistake
documentation
show examples
 show
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
significant enlightenment and knowledge. Knowledge about history is mandatory for preservation of the social identity and implanting concepts
that
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 obligatory for the young generations to follow in order to defend their countries as their ancestors have done. Meanwhile, knowledge gained through visualization is stable as
person’s
Correct article usage
a person’s
show examples
 brain during gaining ideas is not subjected to any
sorts
Fix the agreement mistake
sort
show examples
 of distraction,
while
 during reading the brain tries to
Imagin
Verb problem
Imagine
show examples
 and read at the same time
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 could lead to
loss
Correct article usage
the loss
show examples
 of some aspects
while
 reading.
Secondly
, many
people
 especially old
people
 prefer reading over watching movies as they find it more interesting to
imagen
Verb problem
imagine
show examples
 the
scene
 in your unique way, despite the experience of individual imagination rather than
bien
Correct your spelling
being
 constricted by a
scene
, I believe that it is impossible for a written document to illustrate whatever visualized
scene
 can demonstrate.
Although
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern societies nowadays
man
Correct your spelling
many
show examples
people
are avoiding
Wrong verb form
avoid
show examples
 books and prefer to watch television
instead
, that’s why films and movies have to be the perfect way to
interduce
Correct your spelling
introduce
 ancient humans. In conclusion, I believe that
I
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
movies and scenes have a great privilege
over written
Correct your spelling
overwritten
show examples
scene
Fix the agreement mistake
scenes
show examples
 nowadays and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
deliver
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
historical ideas specifically.
However
, respect
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 all types of historical documents should be mentioned.
Submitted by besoyam on

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task achievement
Add more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For example, mention a particular documentary or film about ancient people that has had a significant impact.
task achievement
Work on minimizing grammatical errors and improving sentence structure for better clarity. Proofread your essay to catch any spelling or grammatical mistakes, and consider using more complex sentence structures where appropriate.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Consider using more linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a consistent point of view and stay focused on the main topic throughout the essay. Avoid deviating into tangential ideas.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay clearly introduces the topic and provides a conclusion that summarizes your points effectively.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion and support it with specific points, which makes your argument convincing.
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