IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

6.It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environment, such as the South Pole. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#scientists #tourists #travel #environment #pole #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In today’s society, an increasing number of
people
 who
travelling
Change the form of the verb
travel
show examples
 to remote natural
areas
,
such
 as the South
Pole
 thanks to the proliferation of tech have sparked a degree of controversy among
people
.
Although
this
 trend is not without the advantages, I would argue that its disadvantages are more significant. On the one hand, there are a number of major benefits when
people
choosing
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
 to visit isolated natural places.
Firstly
,
this
 is
answer
Add an article
the answer
an answer
show examples
 and
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 interesting type of travelling. Since going to other cities or countries has been too common for most
people
, it might be more exciting for them to explore new places
such
 as the South
Pole
 or the Amazon rainforest.
This
 gives them
valuable
Replace the word
value
show examples
. experiences and unforgettable memories.
Secondly
, when visiting remote
areas
,
people
, especially scientists, might acquire more knowledge about the natural habitat.
For example
, when coming to the North
Pole
, scientists can learn about the life of polar bears which live far away from humans.
On the other hand
, I believe that the drawbacks are more significant than
such
 advantages. The first one is that travelling to remote natural
areas
 can be risky if the
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 are not sufficiently prepared.
For instance
, the temperature at the South
Pole
 is usually very low, which adversely affects
people
's health. Travelling to forests can
also
 be dangerous as
people
 have to face the risk of being attacked by wild animals.
Also
, since visiting isolated places often requires a large amount of investment in researching and ensuring the safety of
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
, the costs of travelling tend to be high.
Therefore
, it seems like only scientists and rich
people
 can afford
this
 activity, and
this
 development is likely to benefit only a small group of individuals. In conclusion, I believe the disadvantages of
people
 being able to travel to remote
areas
 outweigh its advantages.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that all points are directly related to the essay question. Avoid going off-topic.
task achievement
Expand on ideas with more specific examples to provide stronger support for your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity. For example, consider revising the opening sentence for better flow.
coherence cohesion
Include transitional phrases to help the essay flow more smoothly between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states the topic and presents a stance, making it easy to understand the direction of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion efficiently summarizes the main points and restates the writer's opinion.
task achievement
The essay includes both advantages and disadvantages, providing a balanced perspective on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Main points are generally well-supported, making the argument more convincing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • remote natural environment
  • scientific research
  • climate change
  • environmental preservation
  • economic benefits
  • conservation efforts
  • habitat disruption
  • pollution
  • cultural disruption
  • indigenous populations
  • commercialization
  • safety risks
  • personal enrichment
  • ecosystems
  • awareness
  • appreciation for nature
What to do next:
Look at other essays: