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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar chart shows the number of male and female people arrested by type of offence (crime). Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features.

The bar chart shows the number of male and female people arrested by type of offence (crime). Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features.
#bar #people #type #offence #crime #information #features
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The bar chart displays the percentage of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
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 arrested by offence type
by
Change preposition
from
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 2008-2009. The data points out the difference in criminal activities between genders around various categories. Violence against the person , theft and handling stolen goods and criminal damage are the most striking categories,where female
arrests
Use synonyms
 outnumber male
arrests
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.
In particular
Linking Words
, the percentage of female
arrests
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 for violence against the person stands out, reaching 33%, compared to approximately 31% for males.
This
Linking Words
 trend is consistent with theft and handling stolen goods where female
arrests
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 are up to 30% , meanwhile male 20%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,criminal damage shows a
slightly
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slight
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 increase
of
Change preposition
in
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 male
arrests
Use synonyms
 that embarks 10% and females across 8%. Rubbery and burglary
offences
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additionally
Linking Words
 show
the
Correct article usage
a
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 higher rate of male apprehend, with figures close to 2%-8%,contrasted with females 1%-3%. Drug
offences
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as well as
Linking Words
 other
offences
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emerges
Correct subject-verb agreement
emerge
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 a slight increase of males apprehend around 8% and approximately 15%,
besides
Linking Words
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
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 with 6% and 13%.The discrepancy is less pronounced in other
offences
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 and fraud and forgery, where male and female arrest rates are closer.
Overall
Linking Words
 men will always tend to have higher rates of
arrests
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whereas
Linking Words
 women tend to have a higher percentage only
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 violence and theft.
Submitted by acaitaz on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words arrests, offences with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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