IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think secondary school students should study international news as one of their subjects, while others believe that this is a waste of valuable school time. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #school #students #study #news #subjects #waste #time
There are controversial perspectives heating up a debate
whether
Change preposition
about whether
show examples
 current
news
 should
consider
Wrong verb form
be considered
show examples
 an official subject in a classroom setting.
While
 some people hold a strong view that it is no use in teaching international
news
, I do not agree with
this
 perception as it can provoke secondary students’
interest
. Without a shadow of a doubt, it is unfair if universal
news
 is ignored. Nowadays,
highschool
Correct your spelling
high school
show examples
 entrance exams require learners to be proficient in mathematics, literature and linguistics.
Therefore
, some parents think it is
such
 a waste of time and their children should concentrate on other significant subjects.
However
, not all absorbers want to be scientists, engineers or doctors in the future, so
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 should include a range of universal
news
 in order that students have their personal
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
 in lieu of learning math
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
.
Hence
, it is important for children to be exposed to global information
On the other hand
, It is important that international events ignite great
interest
 in abundant careers. Specifically,
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they can imitate successes in textbooks ,
for instance
, a popular book named Campbell includes a great deal of scientific achievements conducted by Morgan and Mendel. By doing so, secondary students can be impacted positively which raises their
interest
 and trust to chase their dream occupations.
Thus
, global
news
 acts as an indispensable subject as that information can provide benefits to secondary school learners. In conclusion, whilst some people strongly believe current
news
 all around the world is unnecessary to secondary school students, I would contend that those who are at that age should be exposed to that international information.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your argument would be stronger if you provided more specific examples to support your claims. For instance, you could mention specific news topics that have proven beneficial for students or cite studies backing up the importance of global awareness.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences could be more clearly structured to improve comprehension. For example, the sentence 'By doing so, secondary students can be impacted positively which raises their interest and trust to chase their dream occupations' can be clearer if split into two sentences.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to maintain clarity by avoiding overly complex sentence structures. Divide long sentences into two or more shorter ones to make them easier to understand.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument well.
complete response
You present both views and give your own opinion, addressing the task requirement well.
clear comprehensive ideas
The ideas presented are clear and you provide valid points for both sides of the argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Global awareness
  • Critical thinking
  • Global citizenship
  • Cultural diversity
  • Communication skills
  • Historical context
  • World affairs
  • Academic subjects
  • Bias
  • Misinformation
  • Age-appropriate
  • Media literacy
  • Educational enrichment
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!