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Band 7.5

Over the last few decades, the media has promoted the image of young thin women as being ideal. What problems has this caused? What solutions can you suggest for this issue?

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Most influencers consider a petite body as a woman's fitness target, prompting teenagers to become as thin as possible.
This
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 misinformation leads to promoting youth audiences becoming as thin as possible. Those actions could potentially harm their fitness. The solution to that problem is to use celebrities to influence their followers to have a more healthy way of life. Youngster in
this
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 modern era considers a petite type as their main goal. Those considerations were
also
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 pushed more by most female figures.
As a consequence
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, it will become an obsession for the younger one. Most of them are cutting their daily intakes, hoping to gain their idol's shape.
Nonetheless
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, cutting too many calories consumed below normal people's standard is a sign of anorexia. Some people argue the issue is caused by that, but studies show that being thin is prompting that.
In addition
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, other sicknesses
such
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 as low-level blood sugar and malnutrition are
also
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 caused by that problem.
Due to
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 that evidence and the studies that are being conducted, experts agree that being thin is a sickness and could potentially endanger humans. Experts already show in their studies that being thin is unhealthy. Even so, most teenage women did not hear that. One of the best solutions is to use the influencer's power to promote more healthy habits. Doctors should utilize public figures to show a good daily diet to them. They
also
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 should encourage the youth to do exercises daily. To support those, idols should
also
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 ‘show’ the effect of doing healthy daily like their body shape, motivating their follower to do the same. The perfect example of
that is
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 a Gen-Z figure, Anya Geraldine, whose most of her followers agree that she is a perfect figure.
As a result
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, most of her followers are following her gym habits, making them to be more healthy. In general, the image of being petite as a body goal will only cause an unhealthy condition and lead to sickness. The solution to correct
that is
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 using celebrities to encourage the younger generation to develop healthy habits.

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coherence cohesion
Clarify the main points of each paragraph and ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to improve logical structure.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each main point is fully developed with sufficient detail and supported by relevant examples or evidence.
coherence cohesion
Provide clearer connections between paragraphs to guide the reader through your argument smoothly.
task achievement
Improve the clarity and comprehensiveness of ideas by elaborating more on each point.
task achievement
Introduce additional specific examples or evidence to reinforce your arguments and make them more persuasive.
task achievement
The essay responds well to the task, addressing both problems and solutions in a coherent manner.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and provides a clear resolution.
task achievement
Relevant specific examples, such as the mention of Anya Geraldine, help to illustrate the points made.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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