Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?
Various employees do not train or do any exercise through the weekdays or on weekends, as we observed that the problems of health are increasing these days. There are many reasons for
this
issue also
, this
trouble became
the one popular problem Wrong verb form
has become
of
the world.
There are several reasons for Change preposition
in
this
situation. Either of these problems working people do not have enough time to focus on routine and habits because they have long-hours
at work. Correct your spelling
long hours
Moreover
, almost all companies do not have facilities such
as gyms and spas. Even though all employees are not aware of investing in their health, this
may cause rising disease and they will suffer in the future.
On the other hand
, there are various solutions to resolve this
issue.Firstly
, managers of companies have to aid their workforce in order to serve substantially. As follows : reduce working hours or provide two hours lunch break or increase awareness about health and what the benefits are when any one trains well.
Besides
, the most important solution is facilities as what
I mentioned before, the governments have to improve the quality of life Correct pronoun usage
apply
such
as support
the public sector from their side and Replace the word
supporting
build
gyms near working places.
Wrong verb form
building
To sum up
, employees should know the results when they do not exercise . Also
, the leader of companies have
to explain why Change the verb form
has
the
sports are the most important Correct article usage
apply
things
for their workers.Fix the agreement mistake
thing
Submitted by nahlaalrashidi on
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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support the points raised. For instance, mention particular health problems that result from lack of exercise and give detailed examples of how companies can promote physical activity.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear and singular focus. For example, separate discussions about lack of time and lack of facilities into distinct paragraphs for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving sentence structure and grammar. This will make your essay clearer and more professional.
task achievement
The essay addresses both parts of the task, identifying reasons why people don't exercise and suggesting solutions.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and relevant to the essay question.
coherence cohesion
The essay uses a variety of language and indicates a good range of vocabulary.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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