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Band 5.5

The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today.

#plans #show #park #first
The plans illustrate the changes that have been made to Grance
Park
, comparing its look on the first day of its launch in 1920, to how it looks now. In terms of location, the entrances remain at the same place and a new entrance to the underground car
park
 was added.
In addition
, the rose garden in the top left remains the same. The rest of the
park
 has completely changed its look. Comparing emendates, a new cafe was built
instead
 of a rose garden in the top right and a pond for water plants was replaced by a children's play area.
In addition
, the seats that in 1920 were spread along the fence, today centralized around the rose garden, in the middle of the area. The old stage for the musicians was replaced by an amphitheatre for concerts and
instead
 of a glasshouse water feature was established.
Overall
, the modern version of the
park
 is more orientated to children and has an upgraded place for music performances,
as well as
 provides additional services,
such
 as a cafe and underground parking facilities,
however
, fewer plants are presented.
Submitted by vikiregev on

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coherence cohesion
Your introduction provides a clear overview of the essay’s purpose, but could be made more engaging. Consider adding more specific details or context.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow by using linking words or phrases to connect ideas smoothly. For example, use words like 'furthermore,' 'moreover,' or 'however.'
task achievement
Ensure each point is fully developed. For instance, could you elaborate on how the changes affect visitors' experience?
task achievement
Check for small grammatical errors and awkward phrases. For example, 'completely changed its look' could be revised to 'has undergone significant changes.'
task achievement
The essay provides a comprehensive comparison between the park in 1920 and today.
task achievement
Main points are generally clear and relevant to the topic.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical progression of ideas and the essay is organized well into paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • recreational facilities
  • landscaping
  • naturalistic
  • amenities
  • formal gardens
  • ergonomic
  • symmetric designs
  • inclusive
  • accessible
  • accommodations
  • native plant species
  • societal changes
  • visitor services
  • community events
  • evolution
  • modern playgrounds
  • wildflower meadows
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