IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more importnant environmental problems. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #time #loss #species #plants #animals #importnant
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Due to
Linking Words
 human errors, there have been various issues related to
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 and wildlife creatures.
That is
Linking Words
 why, over recent years, more and more people have become interested in preserving the Earth and
introduce
Wrong verb form
introducing
show examples
 the latest solutions to solve these matters.
Therefore
Linking Words
, a huge attention is paid to various fields of environmental problems and how to prioritize these issues. On the one hand, considering the fact that animals and plants make up the vast majority of the Earth’s population, which not only brings nature’s diversity but
also
Linking Words
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 the possibility of living on
this
Linking Words
 planet is an argument to consider.
Thus
Linking Words
, various organisations and activists have spent their money and time on adopting multiple methods to preserve wildlife and
plants
Change the noun form
plant
show examples
 species
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and overcome the consequences of
loosing
Replace the word
losing
show examples
 these creatures as well.
For instance
Linking Words
, by destroying green areas, human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
 will face climate changes resulting in animals’ extinction, and the shortage of
natureal
Correct your spelling
natural
 resources, eventually.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, other
group
Change the wording
groups
show examples
 of people claim that communities have to focus on more serious environmental topics than
animals
Fix the agreement mistake
animal
show examples
 and
plants
Change the noun form
plant
show examples
 losses
such
Linking Words
 as global warming which is as important as the first category.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, specific systems have developed to manage more fundamental problems related to
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
 case, researchers work on matters, with connection to life on the planet and predict kinds of threats to human existence. In conclusion, I do
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that both groups’ statements can be true and essential to guarantee the
creatures
Change noun form
creature's
creatures'
show examples
 lives including humans on the Earth by putting efforts to save wildlife and nature
in addition
Linking Words
 to other environmental matters.
Submitted by layakhosroabadi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction
The introduction provides a good starting point but could be more engaging and specific. Try to introduce the two perspectives more clearly and set the stage for a more detailed discussion.
transitions
The essay occasionally lacks clear transitions between ideas, making it a bit challenging to follow the argument. Using more transitional words and phrases would enhance readability.
evidence
Further develop the main points with additional specific examples and evidence. For instance, elaborate more on how global warming poses a bigger threat and provide statistics or case studies.
sentence structure
Some sentences are grammatically correct but could be more precisely phrased. Work on enhancing sentence structures for better clarity and flow.
conclusion
In the conclusion, restate the main points for emphasis and perhaps offer a recommendation or final thought. This would provide a stronger closing to your essay.
balanced discussion
The essay addresses both views on the topic and provides a balanced discussion.
understanding
Good effort in trying to link the loss of species to broader environmental problems, showing an understanding of the interconnectedness of nature.
consistent conclusion
The conclusion successfully reiterates the main viewpoint and aligns with the arguments presented in the body of the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: