IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent, do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
In
this
Linking Words
 competitive world education is one of the important
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
show examples
 to enhance
the
Correct article usage
apply
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human
life
Use synonyms
. Few people
are thinking
Wrong verb form
think
show examples
 junior college students should spend their
school
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 partially
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
serving
Use synonyms
community
Add an article
the community
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such
Linking Words
 as teaching athletics to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
younger students. I completely don’t agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement by giving the
below mentioned
Add a hyphen
below-mentioned
show examples
 points.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
, students must focus on their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 only
also
Linking Words
 they don’t have adequate
time
Use synonyms
 to spend
to serve
Change the verb form
serving
show examples
 for
community
Use synonyms
 enhancement.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
school
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 is one of the important
part
Change to a plural noun
parts
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 of
student
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life
Use synonyms
Linking Words
this days
Change the determiner
this day
these days
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 only they have enough
time
Use synonyms
 to learn all the subjects
also
Linking Words
Linking Words
this schools
Fix the agreement mistake
these school
show examples
 exam marks only decide the
Use synonyms
student
Change noun form
student's
show examples
 future.
Hence
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
 they don’t
to
Add a missing verb
have to
show examples
 think about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
community
Use synonyms
 service
also
Linking Words
 there are
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of NGO services
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
in most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
countries
they
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 can do
this
Linking Words
 kind of
tasks
Fix the agreement mistake
task
show examples
.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
Linking Words
, nowadays
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 system changes every day. Most of the schools are conducting extra
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
 for teaching and the
school
Use synonyms
 syllabus
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 becoming very hard. To illustrate,
my
Change preposition
in my
show examples
 country
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 who want to
joint
Correct your spelling
join
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
medicine
Replace the word
medical
show examples
 field,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have to
attend
Verb problem
take
show examples
 an additional exam
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
national
Correct article usage
the national
show examples
 level after the completion of
his
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
school
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
,
student
Use synonyms
 have
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
show examples
 of challenges in
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 to succeed,
therefore
Linking Words
 they have
concentrate
Fix the infinitive
to concentrate
show examples
 only
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their studies during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 times.
Conclusion
Eventually,
school
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life
Use synonyms
 is very important for all youngsters
this
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
 they have spent their
time
Use synonyms
 to enhance
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 knowledge. There
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of private
organization
Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
show examples
 and
NGO
Fix the agreement mistake
NGOs
show examples
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
available to take for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
community
Use synonyms
 development.

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task achievement
The essay addresses the task but the arguments are not fully convincing. Develop your points further and try to provide more detailed explanations or evidence.
coherence cohesion
Work on maintaining a clearer logical structure. Some of the sentences and transitions can be clearer to better link ideas together.
general
Proofread the essay for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Improving sentence structure and reducing grammatical mistakes will help the clarity of your writing.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on the topic and attempts to provide reasons for this stance.
coherence cohesion
Both an introduction and a conclusion are present, helping to frame the argument.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • compulsory
  • unpaid community service
  • charity
  • neighborhood improvement
  • teaching sports
  • empathy
  • social justice
  • transferable skills
  • teamwork
  • leadership
  • problem-solving
  • civic duty
  • civic engagement
  • educational enhancement
  • practical experiences
  • academic learning
  • real-world applications
  • social cohesion
  • mutual support
  • time management
  • balancing priorities
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