IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Many people in poor countries die from diseases that are curable because they cannot afford the medication required. Do you believe that drug companies should make their products available at reduced prices in these countries? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#people #countries #diseases #curable #medication #drug #companies #products #prices
Modern research has developed in many
countries
also
 new medicines are available in the market for all diseases. At the same time, some
countries
 which are economically backlash they are not able to import new advanced
medicine
.
Thus
, many citizens are encountering death
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
daily. In my point of view,
drug- selling
Correct your spelling
drug-selling
show examples
 companies will endeavour to deliver
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advanced
medicine
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 less cost to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
undeveloped
countries
.
Firstly
, modern science has developed into sky level. Most developed
countries
 like
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 and China are investing huge money
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
medicine
 industry.
Hence
, many advanced medicines are introduced into the market
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 high
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
also
 the drug companies are charging higher
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
 for importing their
medicine
in to
Join the words
into
show examples
another
Fix the agreement mistake
other countries
show examples
country
.
Due to
this
, those
countries
 which are economically weak
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 unable to buy that
medicine
 in their
country
 and people are suffering in that
country
.
Secondly
,
medicine
 is one of the important
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 to save the human from diseases. So, all
countries
 which are well economically should advise their medical association and recommend them to sell the medicines to the poor
countries
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
tax-free. To illustrate, during the pandemic situation (
Covid-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
show examples
) my
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 government
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
issued
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
antidotes freely to the public.
Therefore
, developed
countries
 will try to arrange special medical
camp
Fix the agreement mistake
camps
show examples
 in poor
countries
. Eventually,
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 need to survive long time
medicine
 must be required, so that
medicine
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 will reach the public in affordable
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
.
Then
 only, the society
as well as
 the
country
 will get benefit.
Submitted by smsundaram57 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to clearly define your position in the introduction and ensure it aligns closely with the essay question. This will help in better addressing the task response criterion.
task achievement
Use specific and relevant examples to support your points better. The example related to your country during the COVID-19 pandemic was helpful, but more could be needed for a fuller response.
coherence cohesion
Improve the linkage between paragraphs. Use more transition words and phrases to help the reader understand the flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Be careful of grammatical accuracy to express your ideas more clearly. Some sentences are a bit awkwardly phrased and could be clearer.
task achievement
Your essay covers a variety of points related to the topic, showing a good understanding of the issue.
task achievement
You include a relevant example related to the COVID-19 pandemic, which helps to illustrate your point.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, main body, and a conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Pharmaceuticals
  • Generic drugs
  • Patent laws
  • Healthcare disparity
  • Subsidies
  • Non-Governmental Organizations (NGOs)
  • Intellectual property
  • Epidemiology
  • Affordability
  • Global health initiatives
  • Corporate social responsibility
What to do next:
Look at other essays: