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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe that children should be brought up in cities. Other believes that countryside offers a better environment for children. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

#people #children #cities #countryside #environment
Children
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 one of the
boon
Change to a plural noun
boons
show examples
 from
deity
Fix the agreement mistake
deities
show examples
 and
parents
 are guardians for them during their growing period. Some of them
are thinking
Wrong verb form
think
show examples
children
whose
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are
fostering
Wrong verb form
fostered
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
urban areas they are
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
will become
most
Rephrase
more
show examples
 active and smarter. Other hand
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
hopes
Correct subject-verb agreement
hope
show examples
 the rural
area
 is most suitable for
children
 to live in
a good surroundings
Correct the article-noun agreement
good surroundings
a good surrounding
show examples
.
This
 essay will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
views of
this
 statement.
Firstly
, nowadays most of the
children
 are willing to stay in urban
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 there all amenities
available
Add a missing verb
are available
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 them.
For instance
, playgrounds, entertainment
zone
Fix the agreement mistake
zones
show examples
,
library
Fix the agreement mistake
libraries
show examples
 and
high
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
 education
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
.
Thus
, most of the
parents
 and
children
are having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 more
aspirants
Correct your spelling
aspirations
show examples
 to settle in urban areas.
Also
,
children
 can broaden their
friends
Change to a genitive case
friend's
friends'
show examples
 circle,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will a numerous
beneficial
Replace the word
benefits
show examples
 to them. Meanwhile, there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 some demerits
also
 for the
parents
 and
children
 who are staying in urban places.
For instance
, more population, traffic crisis,
high
Correct word choice
and high
show examples
 living cost,
daunting
Add a missing verb
are daunting
show examples
 to monitor
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 activities.
Secondly
, few of the
parents
are believing
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
to stay
Change preposition
that staying
show examples
 in
rural
Correct article usage
a rural
show examples
 place will
give
Verb problem
provide
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 clean environment and good health for the
children
.
Moreover
,
rural
Add an article
the rural
a rural
show examples
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 will give
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 good atmosphere to
children
.
Thus
, the contemplative capacity will
be soar
Change the verb form
soar
show examples
 to them.
Also
, the living cost
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 is less than
urban
Change preposition
in urban
show examples
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
,
parents
 can easily monitor
the
Change the word
their
show examples
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 activities.
Finally
,
both
Change preposition
in both
show examples
 rural and urban areas wherever
children
 are living their activities should be monitored and controlled by their
parents
.
My
Change preposition
In my
show examples
 point of view
children
 are staying
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 places
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 not important but they must have dignity and respect.
Submitted by smsundaram57 on

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Grammar & Sentence Structure
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Examples & Evidence
Use more specific examples to support your points.
Paragraph Structure
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea for better coherence.
Structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion.
Content Balance
Both urban and rural benefits and drawbacks are discussed.
Balanced Argument
Attempts to provide balanced view by discussing merits and demerits of both sides.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban upbringing
  • cultural diversity
  • serene environment
  • open-mindedness
  • adaptability
  • health and wellbeing
  • quality education
  • healthcare facilities
  • sense of community
  • independence
  • creativity
  • physical and mental wellbeing
  • social bonds
  • enrichment
  • exposure
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