In many countries, governments spend large sums of money on the arts and this is supported by some taxpayers as worthwhile. Others, however, think that this money would be better spent on health and education. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Art is an expression of one's mind and feelings, it is one of the most important aspects in
people
's way of life. Hence
, we have witnessed many countries spending huge budgets in promoting
the Change preposition
to promote
ministry
of Capitalize word
Ministry
arts
. Capitalize word
Arts
However
, this
has caused disagreements amongst citizens, with some people
arguing that this
money would rather be spent on health and education
. In this
essay, I will discuss both sides before I give my opion
.
On the one hand, Correct your spelling
opinion
people
need to acknowledge that Correct article usage
the ministry
ministry
of Capitalize word
Ministry
arts
plays a very crucial role in our daily Capitalize word
Arts
living
. Replace the word
lives
Arts
can be expressed in many ways, for example
, music, sculpture, dance, drama
just to Correct word choice
and drama
mension
but a few. A lot of Correct your spelling
mention
people
make a living out of arts
, for
instance
there are many musicians who became Add a comma
instance,
millionares
only by making music. Correct your spelling
millionaires
This
shows how arts
industry has managed to change the lives of Correct article usage
the arts
the
ordinary citizens. Moreso, governments earn income at the same when these Correct article usage
apply
artist
excel in their Change the determiner
artists
endevours
, Correct your spelling
endeavours
therefore
the need for government
Correct article usage
the government
develop
Fix the infinitive
to develop
this
sector inorder
to make it sustainable.
Correct your spelling
in order
On the other hand
, some people
argue that it is meaningless to spent
money on Change the verb
spend
leissure
Correct your spelling
leisure
while
people
are lacking on
basic health facilities. Misplaced priorities Change preposition
in
is
when you Change the verb form
are
spent
money on pleasure Wrong verb form
spend
while
some people
are dying due to
lack
of medications in the hospitals. It is disheartening to see Correct article usage
a lack
people
spending a fortune of
luxury Change preposition
on
while
children are failing to get proper
Correct article usage
a proper
education
in schools due to
shortage
of books.
Correct article usage
a shortage
However
, in my opinion, I strongly believe that all the
three ministries are equally important. Correct article usage
apply
Government
should find ways to strike a balance in promoting Correct article usage
The government
arts
sector, health system and Correct article usage
the arts
education
. For instance
, there are certain childre
who do not need Correct your spelling
children
education
to be successful in life, they are good in
Change preposition
at
arts
and they need to be facilitated in order to archieve
their Correct your spelling
achieve
gooals
, so academic Correct your spelling
goals
education
alon
will not be enough. Correct your spelling
alone
Additionally
, arts
can be a good form of healing Fix the agreement mistake
art
to
certain ailments like depression and stress, some Change preposition
for
people
find healing from
the works of Change preposition
in
arts
.
In conclusion, it is evident that governments should work hard to sufficiently facilitate all these three sectors Fix the agreement mistake
art
inorder
to rightfully serve the Correct your spelling
in order
people
.Submitted by sisalt100 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from a clearer logical structure. For instance, explicitly stating counterarguments and integrating linking phrases could provide better flow between ideas.
task achievement
While the essay covers both perspectives of the argument, it could be improved by providing more comprehensive and detailed ideas. Expanding on points with additional examples or data would strengthen the response.
task achievement
There are several spelling and grammatical errors (e.g., "opinion," "mension," "inorder," "gooals"). Proofreading and correcting these mistakes would improve clarity and professionalism.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively summarize the main points of the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument and provides a reasonable opinion, showing an understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Overall, the ideas are clear, and the essay covers the requirements of the task, demonstrating comprehension of the topic at hand.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example