In many countries, governments spend large sums of money on the arts and this is supported by some taxpayers as worthwhile. Others, however, think that this money would be better spent on health and education. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Art is an expression of one's mind and feelings, it is one of the most important aspects in
people
's way of life.
Hence
, we have witnessed many countries spending huge budgets
in promoting
Change preposition
to promote
show examples
the
ministry
Capitalize word
Ministry
show examples
of
arts
Capitalize word
Arts
show examples
.
However
,
this
has caused disagreements amongst citizens, with some
people
arguing that
this
money would rather be spent on health and
education
. In
this
essay, I will discuss both sides before I give my
opion
Correct your spelling
opinion
. On the one hand,
people
need to acknowledge that
Correct article usage
the ministry
show examples
ministry
Capitalize word
Ministry
show examples
of
arts
Capitalize word
Arts
show examples
plays a very crucial role in our daily
living
Replace the word
lives
show examples
.
Arts
can be expressed in many ways,
for example
, music, sculpture, dance,
drama
Correct word choice
and drama
show examples
just to
mension
Correct your spelling
mention
but a few. A lot of
people
make a living out of
arts
,
for
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
there are many musicians who became
millionares
Correct your spelling
millionaires
only by making music.
This
shows how
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
industry has managed to change the lives of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ordinary citizens. Moreso, governments earn income at the same when these
artist
Change the determiner
artists
show examples
excel in their
endevours
Correct your spelling
endeavours
,
therefore
the need for
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
develop
Fix the infinitive
to develop
show examples
this
sector
inorder
Correct your spelling
in order
show examples
to make it sustainable.
On the other hand
, some
people
argue that it is meaningless to
spent
Change the verb
spend
show examples
money on
leissure
Correct your spelling
leisure
while
people
are lacking
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
basic health facilities. Misplaced priorities
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
when you
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
money on pleasure
while
some
people
are dying
due to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
of medications in the hospitals. It is disheartening to see
people
spending a fortune
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
luxury
while
children are failing to get
proper
Correct article usage
a proper
show examples
education
in schools
due to
shortage
Correct article usage
a shortage
show examples
of books.
However
, in my opinion, I strongly believe that all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
three ministries are equally important.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
should find ways to strike a balance in promoting
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
sector, health system and
education
.
For instance
, there are certain
childre
Correct your spelling
children
who do not need
education
to be successful in life, they are good
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
arts
and they need to be facilitated in order to
archieve
Correct your spelling
achieve
their
gooals
Correct your spelling
goals
, so academic
education
alon
Correct your spelling
alone
will not be enough.
Additionally
,
arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
show examples
can be a good form of healing
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
certain ailments like depression and stress, some
people
find healing
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
the works of
arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
show examples
. In conclusion, it is evident that governments should work hard to sufficiently facilitate all these three sectors
inorder
Correct your spelling
in order
show examples
to rightfully serve the
people
.
Submitted by sisalt100 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from a clearer logical structure. For instance, explicitly stating counterarguments and integrating linking phrases could provide better flow between ideas.
task achievement
While the essay covers both perspectives of the argument, it could be improved by providing more comprehensive and detailed ideas. Expanding on points with additional examples or data would strengthen the response.
task achievement
There are several spelling and grammatical errors (e.g., "opinion," "mension," "inorder," "gooals"). Proofreading and correcting these mistakes would improve clarity and professionalism.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively summarize the main points of the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument and provides a reasonable opinion, showing an understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Overall, the ideas are clear, and the essay covers the requirements of the task, demonstrating comprehension of the topic at hand.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

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Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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