In the past, school children usually learnt by listening to their teacher and by studying their books. Nowadays, many school children learn by using technology in the classroom instead. What do you think are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?

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Recent technology advancement has invaded the traditional teaching system, as youngsters are using more technical methods for their learning in their
classroom
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classrooms

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.
It is clear that
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this
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would help them to gather the necessary information,
while
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it has some drawbacks
such
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as promoting an unhealthy lifestyle. In
this
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essay, both of these positive and negative sides will be discussed. On the bright side, children have wide exposure to new knowledge own to technology. As they are curious about the world, students tend to learn many things even outside of their classroom. Today, some minors are reflecting remarkable skills in programming, business analytics, science and mathematics,
according to
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the latest studies carried out by the USA universities. It basically happened
due to
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the availability of knowledge in the wide network.
In addition
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to that, a lot of demonstrations and tutorials are
aboundant
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abundant

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there that minors to learn hard concepts on their syllabus. Several surveys
were
Unnecessary verb
apply

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conducted by a famous organization,
for instance
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, express that usage of educational web domains has significantly risen
at
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to

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70%
among
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in

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school learning. So they will not get backward among their peers
due to
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the help of these resources.
However
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,
this
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development
also
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has a major negative impact on their healthy growth. In fact, researchers in Finland have stated that younger's education must not engage for longer periods with smart screens and devices, since they continuously emit harmful
ratiations
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radiations
radiation

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, which cause cancers, visual problems, and brain damage.
Therefore
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, a new generation has a risk of unnecessary exposure to these radiations.
Furthermore
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,
this
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research reveals more facts about the potential mental issues coming
along with
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high usage of technology,
such
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as depression, addiction, and isolation.
Hence
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students will suffer these kinds of health issues during their childhood because of
this
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trend. In conclusion, alteration of the education in schools is noticeable nowadays,
due to
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new technical features which have been introduced.
Nevertheless
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,
while
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positive changes can be observed like access to a wide range of information, people should consider and overcome its drawbacks to maintain a healthy lifestyle for the younger generation.
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and discusses both the advantages and disadvantages of using technology in the classroom. However, strive to balance your discussion points more evenly and ensure you elaborate on each one thoroughly. For example, the discussion of health issues is quite detailed, while the advantages section could be expanded further.
coherence cohesion
Work on maintaining logical flow between your sentences and paragraphs. Some of your transitions are abrupt or unclear. For instance, move smoothly from the positive impact to the negative one by using transitional phrases like "on the other hand" or "however."
coherence cohesion
Correct minor grammatical and typing errors to improve the clarity and professionalism of your writing. For example, 'aboundant' should be 'abundant' and 'younger' could be 'younger students'.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant, giving a good overview of the essay topic and summarizing key points effectively.
coherence cohesion
You have supported your main points with specific examples and studies, which strengthens your argument and demonstrates your understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your writing covers both the advantages and disadvantages, showing a balanced view of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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