In the past, school children usually learnt by listening to their teacher and by studying their books. Nowadays, many school children learn by using technology in the classroom instead. What do you think are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?

Recent technology advancement has invaded the traditional teaching system, as youngsters are using more technical methods for their learning in their
classroom
Fix the agreement mistake
classrooms
show examples
.
It is clear that
this
would help them to gather the necessary information,
while
it has some drawbacks
such
as promoting an unhealthy lifestyle. In
this
essay, both of these positive and negative sides will be discussed. On the bright side, children have wide exposure to new knowledge own to technology. As they are curious about the world, students tend to learn many things even outside of their classroom. Today, some minors are reflecting remarkable skills in programming, business analytics, science and mathematics,
according to
the latest studies carried out by the USA universities. It basically happened
due to
the availability of knowledge in the wide network.
In addition
to that, a lot of demonstrations and tutorials are
aboundant
Correct your spelling
abundant
there that minors to learn hard concepts on their syllabus. Several surveys
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
conducted by a famous organization,
for instance
, express that usage of educational web domains has significantly risen
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
70%
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
school learning. So they will not get backward among their peers
due to
the help of these resources.
However
,
this
development
also
has a major negative impact on their healthy growth. In fact, researchers in Finland have stated that younger's education must not engage for longer periods with smart screens and devices, since they continuously emit harmful
ratiations
Correct your spelling
radiations
radiation
, which cause cancers, visual problems, and brain damage.
Therefore
, a new generation has a risk of unnecessary exposure to these radiations.
Furthermore
,
this
research reveals more facts about the potential mental issues coming
along with
high usage of technology,
such
as depression, addiction, and isolation.
Hence
students will suffer these kinds of health issues during their childhood because of
this
trend. In conclusion, alteration of the education in schools is noticeable nowadays,
due to
new technical features which have been introduced.
Nevertheless
,
while
positive changes can be observed like access to a wide range of information, people should consider and overcome its drawbacks to maintain a healthy lifestyle for the younger generation.
Submitted by kavinduanupama20 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and discusses both the advantages and disadvantages of using technology in the classroom. However, strive to balance your discussion points more evenly and ensure you elaborate on each one thoroughly. For example, the discussion of health issues is quite detailed, while the advantages section could be expanded further.
coherence cohesion
Work on maintaining logical flow between your sentences and paragraphs. Some of your transitions are abrupt or unclear. For instance, move smoothly from the positive impact to the negative one by using transitional phrases like "on the other hand" or "however."
coherence cohesion
Correct minor grammatical and typing errors to improve the clarity and professionalism of your writing. For example, 'aboundant' should be 'abundant' and 'younger' could be 'younger students'.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant, giving a good overview of the essay topic and summarizing key points effectively.
coherence cohesion
You have supported your main points with specific examples and studies, which strengthens your argument and demonstrates your understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your writing covers both the advantages and disadvantages, showing a balanced view of the topic.

Your opinion

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