WHEN ASKED TO CHOOSE BETWEEN A LIFE WITHOUT WORK AND WORKING MOST OF THE TIME, PEOPLE WOULD ALWAYS CHOOSE NOT TO WORK. DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE WITH THIS STATEMENT?

IN AN EVER-PROGRESSIVE SOCIETY, society USUALLY PREFER LEADING A NO-WORKING LIFESTYLE TO A FULL-TIME WORKING SCHEDULE. IN LIGHT OF
THIS
, THE WRITER DISAPPROVES OF THE MENTIONED STATEMENT
DUE TO
THE BENEFICIAL EFFECTS OF WORKING, NAMELY SOCIAL LIFE IMPROVEMENT AND HIGHER LIFE QUALITY. IT IS VITAL O UNDERSTAND THAT PEOPLE WHO ATTEND IN WORKFLOW WILL HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY TO EXTEND SOCIAL CONNECTIONS.
THIS
COULD BE PERFECTLY EXPLAINED BY THE FACT THAT VOCATIONAL PROCEDURES OR TAKS OFTEN INVOLVE COLLECTIVE ACTIVITIES SCH AS MEETINGS, GROUP PRESENTATIONS OR GROUP RESEARCH WHICH DEMAND EXTREME AND GRAND COOPERATION AMONG TEAM MEMBERS. ONE POSSIBLE RESULT OF
THIS
IS THAT STAFF CAN OVERCOME THE BARRIER OF SHYNESS AND BECOME FRIENDS ULTIMATELY.
ACCORDING TO
MY PRIOR EXPERIENCE, THANKS TO MY WEEKLY ACADEMIC PROJECTS WHERE I HAVE TO ORK WITH UNFAMILIAR STUDENTS, NOW I ALMOST KNOW EVERYONE IN MY CLASS.
MOREOVER
, ANOTHER PREVALENT STANDPOINT IS THAT WORKING INVOLVEMENT MAY RESULT IN AN ASCENSION IN QUALITY OF LIFE. TO BE MORE DETAILED, PAYMENTS ALWAYS COME
ALONG WITH
GOOD PERFORMANCES IN THE WORKPLACE, WHICH MEAN, THE MORE EFFORT INDIVIDUALS PUT IN, THE MORE FINANCIAL UNITS THEY ACCUMULATE. AS A NATURAL OUTCOME, WORKERS WILL HAVE ADEQUATE FINANCIAL STATISTICS TO PAY FOR BETTER DAILY SERVICES.
FOR EXAMPLE
, BILL GATES TAKES OFF HIS CAREER AS A COMMON WORKER AND
THEN
BECAME ONE OF THE RICHEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD AFTER SEVERAL YEARS OF HARD WORK.
THUS
, IT
SOULD
Correct your spelling
COULD
SHOULD
HAVE BEEN CLEARLY ILLUSTRATED THAT EXPANDING INDIVIDUAL'S RELATIONSHIPS AND IMPROVING LIVING STANDARD ARE JUSTIFIABLE REASONS WHY PEOPLE SHOULD ENGAGE IN WORKING.
HENCE
,
IT IS CLEAR THAT
THE BENEFITS OF PARTICIPATING IN OCCUPATIONS ARE UNDENIABLE.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay contains strong arguments and you have provided clear reasoning for your position. However, there are a few grammatical errors and spelling mistakes that need to be addressed to improve clarity.
task achievement
Make sure to use a range of vocabulary and maintain formal language. Avoid contractions and informal phrases to enhance the overall quality of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a consistent logical flow in your essay. While the main points are clear, the transitions between different points can be smoother. This will enhance the overall coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a well-structured introduction and conclusion which clearly state and summarize your main arguments.
task achievement
You’ve done a good job in supporting your arguments with relevant examples, such as the mention of Bill Gates, which adds value to your points.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are well-supported and show a good understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • personal interests
  • social isolation
  • structured daily routine
  • sense of purpose
  • achievement
  • boredom
  • overworking
  • burnout
  • hobbies
  • family time
  • work pressures
  • stress
  • health issues
  • social interactions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: