IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Many people who care for elderly do not have enough time to look after them. What are the problems related to this? What are some possible solutions?

#people #care #time
Recent readers indicate that adults cannot manage their time to take care of old people.
This
 writer believes that a work-life balance and financial burdens are the major reasons for the issues. The following essay will advocate the drawbacks and suitable solutions.
Firstly
, it is vital to understand that the matures have several responsibilities in their daily routines. Looking after senior citizens and working at the same moment is impossible for busy individuals to manage. Evidently, inhabitants spend most of their age at the workplace and
also
 do chores and bring up their children after rush hour. It is no exaggeration to say that the day limit is a barrier to supporting the elderly in the modern age
due to
 the capacity to maintain a work-life balance. Another negative aspect of taking care of the aged, financial burdens play an important role in individuals’ awareness. In recent years, the high rate of unemployment and higher living costs are disadvantageous for the citizens to pay for health insurance which means that adults cannot afford the nutritional supplements and medicine.
As a result
, the over-sixties are neglected, especially those with health conditions
such
 as dementia because no one tolerates the challenges. Moving on to the solution for these issues, many community centres for elderly people are organized. At these places, the aged are looked after by well-trained nurses, which are funded by the governments and charities.
Moreover
, the matures not only do it for a living but
also
 visit the senior citizens in their spare day.
For instance
, these centres are built in urban areas as a part of the community’s welfare. It is mainly because of financial support after retirement.
Therefore
,
this
 policy enhances the community cohesion and the quality of life. Taking everything into account, it cannot be denied that taking care of old residents is not an easy job, it requires time and effort.
Thus
, community centres are the best solution to
this
 problem.

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task achievement
The essay responds well to the task, but the range and depth of ideas can be expanded. Try to provide more concrete examples and delve deeper into the discussion of the problems and solutions.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are a bit hard to follow due to awkward phrasings and grammatical errors. Work on ensuring clarity and fluency in your writing. Try to use a variety of sentence structures to keep the reader engaged.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which enhances readability.
supported main points
You have provided several relevant points and examples to support your ideas, which strengthens your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • burnout
  • neglect
  • emotional distress
  • social interaction
  • mental stimulation
  • financial costs
  • community care services
  • respite care
  • telehealth services
  • flexible work arrangements
  • caregiver leave policies
  • support networks
  • emotional support
  • monitoring systems
  • training programs
  • interpersonal strain
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