Some people think that in the modern society, individuals are becoming more dependent on each other, while others say that individuals are becoming more independent of each other. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Opinions are divided on whether
people
nowadays are becoming depend
on each other or whether each person is more Replace the word
dependent
independ
Correct your spelling
independent
on
someone. Change preposition
of
While
I may acknowledge some reasons behind the former views, I still firmly support the latter.
Those who belive
that individuals are more independent Correct your spelling
believe
on
Change preposition
of
other
may have several arguments. From their perspective, in Fix the agreement mistake
others
the
recent years, Correct article usage
apply
people
become Add the particle
to rely
rely
on Wrong verb form
relied
other
because Correct pronoun usage
others
the
young children who Correct article usage
apply
was
born in the Change the verb form
were
gen
Z Capitalize word
Gen
generationalways
place trust Correct your spelling
generation always
generational ways
generation-always
on
their Change preposition
in
parents
, their parents
pamper them very much so they don’t need to do anything, It lead
to Change the verb form
leads
bad
habit. Gradually, young ages will become useless, they can not do anything by themselves. Add an article
a bad
the bad
For example
, if a child was born and grew up in a wealth
family, he would be lazy and feckless but if we compare Replace the word
wealthy
to
a child who was born in a poor condition, he would Correct pronoun usage
it to
work-hard
and Correct your spelling
work hard
very
useful, he could help his Add a missing verb
be very
parents
a
lot of things. Another possible argument is that in society, there are some Change preposition
with a
kind
of Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
people
like poor will, they do not want to work by themselves, always
count on Correct word choice
and always
people
. For instance
, a person who do
not Change the verb form
does
has
fortitude, whenever they get into Correct subject-verb agreement
have
a
trouble, Remove the article
apply
they
will give up and just hinge on their colleagues.
Correct pronoun usage
apply
Nevertheless
, I still hold the belief that in the modern age, citizens are not subject to other
for several reasons. Chief among these is that because Fix the agreement mistake
others
in
Add the comma(s)
, in
this
industrial world, everything are
Change the verb form
is
Wrong verb form
developed
develop
Wrong verb form
developed
Replace the word
including
included
technology so there are a lot of smart gadgets which could help Wrong verb form
including
people
deal with plenty of situations. It can be seen that, nowadays everyone has their own phone or computer so they can easily solve their problems. The second reason is that,
the young generation Remove the comma
apply
tendency
to prefer private so they just like to stay alone so they do not need anyone to help them, even Replace the word
tends
this
can annoyed
them. As an illustration, children now Change the verb form
annoy
are prefer
having their own room for their private, they do not need to sleep with their Change the verb form
prefer
parents
.
In conclusion, it is understandable why some may argue that people
now becoming more depend
on Replace the word
dependent
other
. Fix the agreement mistake
others
However
, I would take the view that the modern generation prefer
Change the verb form
prefers
self-sufficent
.Correct your spelling
self-sufficiency
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task achievement
Ensure proper subject-verb agreement to increase clarity, for example, replace "depend" with "dependent".
coherence cohesion
Try to reduce grammatical and spelling errors such as changes needed for "belive" to "believe" and "independent on" to "dependent on".
coherence cohesion
Introduce transitions smoothly to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs, providing a clearer structure.
task achievement
Good effort in presenting both sides of the argument and giving a personal opinion, solid task response.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present, providing a decent overall structure for the essay.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite