Some people think that in the modern society, individuals are becoming more dependent on each other, while others say that individuals are becoming more independent of each other. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Opinions are divided on whether
people
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nowadays are becoming
depend
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dependent
show examples
on each other or whether each person is more
independ
Correct your spelling
independent
on
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of
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someone.
While
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I may acknowledge some reasons behind the former views, I still firmly support the latter. Those who
belive
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believe
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that individuals are more independent
on
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of
show examples
other
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others
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may have several arguments. From their perspective, in
the
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apply
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recent years,
people
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become
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to rely
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rely
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relied
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on
other
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others
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because
the
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apply
show examples
young children who
was
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were
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born in the
gen
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Gen
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Z
generationalways
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generation always
generational ways
generation-always
place trust
on
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in
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their
parents
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, their
parents
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pamper them very much so they don’t need to do anything, It
lead
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leads
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to
bad
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a bad
the bad
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habit. Gradually, young ages will become useless, they can not do anything by themselves.
For example
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, if a child was born and grew up in a
wealth
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wealthy
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family, he would be lazy and feckless but if we compare
to
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it to
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a child who was born in a poor condition, he would
work-hard
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work hard
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and
very
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be very
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useful, he could help his
parents
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a
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with a
show examples
lot of things. Another possible argument is that in society, there are some
kind
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kinds
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of
people
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like poor will, they do not want to work by themselves,
always
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and always
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count on
people
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.
For instance
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, a person who
do
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does
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not
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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fortitude, whenever they get into
a
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apply
show examples
trouble,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will give up and just hinge on their colleagues.
Nevertheless
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, I still hold the belief that in the modern age, citizens are not subject to
other
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others
show examples
for several reasons. Chief among these is that because
in
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, in
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this
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industrial world, everything
are
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is
show examples
Wrong verb form
developed
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develop
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developed
show examples
Replace the word
including
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included
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including
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technology so there are a lot of smart gadgets which could help
people
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deal with plenty of situations. It can be seen that, nowadays everyone has their own phone or computer so they can easily solve their problems. The second reason is that
,
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apply
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the young generation
tendency
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tends
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to prefer private so they just like to stay alone so they do not need anyone to help them, even
this
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can
annoyed
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annoy
show examples
them. As an illustration, children now
are prefer
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prefer
show examples
having their own room for their private, they do not need to sleep with their
parents
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. In conclusion, it is understandable why some may argue that
people
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now becoming more
depend
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dependent
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on
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
.
However
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, I would take the view that the modern generation
prefer
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prefers
show examples
self-sufficent
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self-sufficiency
.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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task achievement
Ensure proper subject-verb agreement to increase clarity, for example, replace "depend" with "dependent".
coherence cohesion
Try to reduce grammatical and spelling errors such as changes needed for "belive" to "believe" and "independent on" to "dependent on".
coherence cohesion
Introduce transitions smoothly to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs, providing a clearer structure.
task achievement
Good effort in presenting both sides of the argument and giving a personal opinion, solid task response.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present, providing a decent overall structure for the essay.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • interdependence
  • globalized economy
  • collaborative work environments
  • crowd-sourced
  • empowered
  • perception
  • availability
  • autonomy
  • reliance
  • shifted
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