Some people believe that longer prison sentences are the best way to decrease crime while others believe that there are alternatives ways to decrease crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Whether longer jail
time
helps diclining
Correct your spelling
declining
crime
rate has been a controversial topic recently. Correct article usage
the crime
This
writers
argues that education and financial support are better Change the determiner
writer
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
this
address this
problem althought
some Correct your spelling
although
people
think that the time
is too short.
It is vital to understand that solving economic problems can be the
better way to decrease Correct article usage
a
crime
. In other words
, law-breaking actions now mainly come from the the
economic situations since the cost of living become Remove the redundancy
apply
more and more higher
Change the word
higher and higher
higher
while
with
some Change preposition
apply
people
, especially ones with low income or educational level who
are already Correct pronoun usage
apply
stuggling
to make ends meet so they do not have any other choices but commit crimes. Correct your spelling
struggling
Therefore
, if the goverments
can resolve financial Correct your spelling
governments
government
problem
, Fix the agreement mistake
problems
for example
offering more jobs, the percentage of criminal
will see a downward trend.
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
However
, some people
believe that the current prison sentences is
Change the verb form
are
insufficent
. Simply put, the Correct your spelling
insufficient
time
in the
prison in Correct article usage
apply
this
time
is not enough for criminal
to think about the actions that they made and when they are released they will repeat that. Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
Additionally
, increasing the time
for jail for about 2 - 3 years or may be
Correct your spelling
maybe
permanaent
can be a great Correct your spelling
permanence
deterent
for Correct your spelling
deterrent
people
having intention
to commit Add an article
the intention
an intention
crime
since no one Add an article
a crime
want
to waste years of their life Change the verb form
wants
to live
in Change the verb form
living
such
a bad place. This
might be true if we do not solve the roots of why they do the crime
, when they return to the
society, they still have the motivation to do it so the rate will not change.
Correct article usage
apply
This
is the writer's opinion that providing good
education is a really effective approach. Correct article usage
a good
That is
to say, when people
were
well educated since they were children, they will have a clear definition and distinctive line between good and bad things so that they will never step into the criminal life. Wrong verb form
are
For example
, a theft
named Robert said that when he stole the dress for the first Correct your spelling
thief
time
his mom not only did not criticized
him but Wrong verb form
criticise
also
encouraged him to steal more and that made him become a theft. If his mom stopped him at that time
, he would not be in this
situation.
In conclusion, enthough
there are some Correct your spelling
although
though
people
believing that extent the jail
Change preposition
of jail
time
will make the
Correct article usage
apply
crime
to
go down, it is more effective to attack financial issues and promote Fix the infinitive
apply
the
education.Correct article usage
apply
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task achievement
Be more consistent in explaining and extending your main points. For example, discuss more specific economic policies and education programs that could reduce crime rates.
task achievement
Try to avoid generalizations and provide specific details and evidence to support your arguments. This will make your essay more convincing and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your essay by using clearer transitions between sentences and paragraphs. This will help the reader follow your arguments more easily.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to proofread your essay for grammatical mistakes and typos. Small errors like 'diclining' instead of 'declining' can affect readability.
task achievement
You have successfully covered both views and provided your own opinion in your essay, which shows a good understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a concise summary of your main points, which helps in setting up and closing the discussion well.
coherence cohesion
Your paragraphs are generally well-structured, each dealing with a distinct point, which aids in making the essay more readable.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example