Government should spend money to encourage the development of sport and art for school students, rather than supporting professional sports and art performance for general public. Do you agree or disagree?
It is universally acknowledged that art and sport play a key role in the
diversity
spheres of life, so concentrating on them would benefit various aspects of personalities and interpersonal skills. I believe that spending Replace the word
diverse
a
capital to develop art and mobility at Remove the article
apply
school
would work better than general
public.
It is undeniable that some pupils hate Add an article
the general
school
and it is not attractive for them at all due to
enormous
pressure and stress which are put on students. Correct article usage
the enormous
However
, by
developing these two subjects in schools' curriculum, Change preposition
apply
it
will appeal to pupils and they will enjoy it. Correct pronoun usage
apply
In addition
, the scientific assessments reveal that art such
as playing piano
or drawing a portrait could relieve stress and Change the article
the piano
also
playing games which need cooperation could improve their personalities. In this
case, the schools could educate them in not only school
subjects but also
mental health.
Another significant reason would be reducing the waste time. To elaborate further
, most juveniels
dedicate the majority of their time to social media; Correct your spelling
juveniles
juvenile
hence
, it will be a good opportunity for them to reduce it and become telented
in their favourite skills. Correct your spelling
talented
For example
, during break time, playing games such
as football or volleyball could be a beneficial sunstitution
for them to be professional in them. Correct your spelling
substitution
substitutions
On the other hand
, this
idea definitely does not reduce the necessity of public sports or less consideration on
them because not just the youth but Change preposition
of
also
the whole family requires leisure activities.
In conclusion, the
adolescent is incredibly sensitive age in Correct article usage
apply
which
there Correct word choice
and
are
a lot of pressure on them. Governments' concentration Change the verb form
is
through
putting these helpful subjects on their Change preposition
on
school
schedule could help juveniles to improve their characteristics.Submitted by TUTOO on
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task achievement
The essay provides a clear response to the prompt, but there are some inconsistencies and inaccuracies in arguments presented. Ensure each argument is fully supported and logically sequenced to improve coherency.
coherence cohesion
To strengthen coherence, try using linking phrases and transition words more effectively. Additionally, make sure all points are elaborated upon and linked smoothly to the main argument.
general advice
A few grammatical errors and awkward phrases were noted. Proofreading and using a more varied vocabulary can enhance clarity and precision of expression.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction effectively sets up the topic and the writer’s perspective.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates the author's position.
complete response
The essay addresses multiple aspects of the prompt, discussing both the development of sports and arts for school students and the importance of public sports.