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Band 7.5

A large number of young people cannot find a job when they leave university. What problems will youth unemployment cause for individuals and for society? What measures should take to reduce unemployment?

#people #job #university #youth #unemployment #individuals #society #measures
A substantial number of fresh graduates cannot land a job upon graduation.
Although
such
 a trend contributes to numerous obstacles both for
individuals
 and society, a plethora of actions can be implemented to alleviate these problems.
This
 essay will examine what are the issues that arise from
youth
unemployment
 and how to cope with them. To commence, various issues emerge from joblessness among the
youth
.
Firstly
,
unemployment
 may lead to several psychological diseases, including stress, depression, and anxiety, as people frequently feel insecure when they cannot be employed after finishing college.
Therefore
, these psychological hardships can undermine
individuals
’ confidence in their knowledge and capabilities.
Additionally
,
due to
 the dramatic increase in
unemployment
 and insufficient income, there is a potentially higher criminal rate in society.
This
 is caused by
individuals
 who often commit crimes,
such
 as robbery or fraud in order to fulfil their daily needs.
On the other hand
, there are a myriad of ways to tackle the
youth
unemployment
 problems. One paramount action is for the government to launch a diverse range of job opportunities, especially for those who just finished their study, as limited working opportunities have become the primary factor of
unemployment
.
For instance
, the government can encourage state-owned businesses or multinational companies to engage in job fairs, which are targeted at
individuals
 who recently graduated.
Additionally
, another instrumental approach is for universities or educational institutions to prepare their students to face the dynamic work environment through several workshops or courses.
Consequently
, these efforts will result in more suitable graduates for entry-level roles. To encapsulate,
while
youth
 employment can cause some issues,
such
 as psychological challenges for
individuals
 and higher criminal rates for society, broadening work opportunities and teaching relevant courses that align with students' needs may be viable solutions. Through these efforts, I believe that we can pave the way for a more prosperous future.
Submitted by rasendrya.hafiz on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea that ties back to your thesis. While you have good structure overall, some arguments could be more directly tied to the main thesis or question.
task achievement
While your response is comprehensive, ensure every problem and solution links back to the central question. Explore the consequences of youth unemployment and solutions more deeply.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant, but try to include more specific examples or data to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
You have a well-structured introduction and conclusion which clarify the main points of the essay.
task achievement
The response is detailed and covers several aspects of the problem, showing an understanding of the issue.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents logical arguments supported with explanations, which contributes to good coherence and cohesion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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