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coherence cohesion
Your letter lacks a clear and logical structure. Consider organizing your thoughts more coherently into paragraphs that each explore different aspects of your message.
coherence cohesion
The greeting 'Dear Hung' is appropriate, but the closing 'Love you Hung' could be seen as too casual, especially considering the unusual nature of your request. Consider a more balanced closing.
task achievement
You need to address the main purpose of your letter more clearly and suitably. The topic you've chosen to discuss is very personal and might not be appropriate for a letter format. Reflect on the tone and appropriateness of the content.
task achievement
Your request might come across as insensitive and awkward. Consider expressing your thoughts in a more thoughtful and considerate manner.
task achievement
You have made an effort to communicate your feelings and reached out to your friend, which shows your willingness to connect.
coherence cohesion
Your letter includes a greeting and a closing, framing your letter in a conventional format.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
I am writing to express my interest in the part-time accountant position that you advertised on your website. I am confident that my knowledge and skills in the field of accounting make me the ideal candidate for this job.
It is widely argued that residences and apartments that have large fires can be a critical risk in some urban areas. Several problems have resulted from this peril and a number of effective solutions from both individuals and the government should tackle them.
To commence, a plethora of factors contribute to why completing a university education is paramount. Firstly, during people’s time in university, they will have the opportunity to be taught by world-class professors, teaching them advanced knowledge as well as fundamental principles in relation to their subject. Therefore, such invaluable lessons can bolster their abilities and deepen their knowledge, which are very useful for these individuals’ future. Additionally, finishing undergraduate study is considered an essential requirement in pursuing a career within certain fields. For instance, those who aspire to become professional lawyers have to obtain a law degree before participating in the bar exam.
Some individuals believe that living in a city is better than living in the countryside. The writer of this essay argues that even though the city provides high-quality healthcare, individuals should live in the countryside due to the clean atmosphere and tranquility.