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coherence cohesion
Your letter lacks a clear and logical structure. Consider organizing your thoughts more coherently into paragraphs that each explore different aspects of your message.
coherence cohesion
The greeting 'Dear Hung' is appropriate, but the closing 'Love you Hung' could be seen as too casual, especially considering the unusual nature of your request. Consider a more balanced closing.
task achievement
You need to address the main purpose of your letter more clearly and suitably. The topic you've chosen to discuss is very personal and might not be appropriate for a letter format. Reflect on the tone and appropriateness of the content.
task achievement
Your request might come across as insensitive and awkward. Consider expressing your thoughts in a more thoughtful and considerate manner.
task achievement
You have made an effort to communicate your feelings and reached out to your friend, which shows your willingness to connect.
coherence cohesion
Your letter includes a greeting and a closing, framing your letter in a conventional format.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
Tourism in recent years has been booming on an unprecedented scale, with many developing countries considering it as a major income source. The main reason for this is the great revenue it generates, and I believe that it is a positive development in some countries that embrace sustainability, but a negative one in some others who are inclined towards mass tourism.
In today's world, an ongoing debate centres on whether governments should prioritize arts subsidies over other alternatives in order to improve people's quality of life. This essay aims to explore both perspectives and arguments against subsidizing the arts at the expense of other alternatives for both developing and developed land.
None of the countries around the world are safe from criminals and have overwhelmed people. In order to control them, it is suggested that they should be sentenced to death, which can decrease the number of crimes. I strongly disagree with this proposal because they should be given another chance.
I am writing this letter in regard to tell you that I would not be able to continue my evening Management course. The reason behind this decision is I have to do extra work shifts everyday to cover my family's emergency expenses.