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coherence cohesion
Your letter lacks a clear and logical structure. Consider organizing your thoughts more coherently into paragraphs that each explore different aspects of your message.
coherence cohesion
The greeting 'Dear Hung' is appropriate, but the closing 'Love you Hung' could be seen as too casual, especially considering the unusual nature of your request. Consider a more balanced closing.
task achievement
You need to address the main purpose of your letter more clearly and suitably. The topic you've chosen to discuss is very personal and might not be appropriate for a letter format. Reflect on the tone and appropriateness of the content.
task achievement
Your request might come across as insensitive and awkward. Consider expressing your thoughts in a more thoughtful and considerate manner.
task achievement
You have made an effort to communicate your feelings and reached out to your friend, which shows your willingness to connect.
coherence cohesion
Your letter includes a greeting and a closing, framing your letter in a conventional format.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
Many believe that studying about events of the past is a vital lesson area. Whilst some believe modern creative subjects like, science and technology are more necessary to develop today's world. I agree with the latter view because these subjects are problem-solving and improve humanity.
Certainly, many graduates while leaving a school push themselves back from learning. It is a contentious issue what the causes of this problem are. In this essay, I will elaborate on this subject and give my own ideas of how youngsters can be motivated to study.
In the coming years, the number of people buying printed newspapers or books will reduce dramatically, as people can read everything online freely. I vehemently agree with this viewpoint. This essay will examine my views and justify the proposed stance.
An increasing number of people from developing nations are making their first car purchases. The principal problems this causes are pollution and traffic congestion, and the most viable solution is better public transport.
These days, more and more people are impacted by various health issues such as obesity and high blood pressure due to an increased intake of packaged foods, which have high sugar levels. Some people believe that such problems could be controlled if we raise the cost of sugary products which could limit the consumption habit. This essay completely agrees with that statement and shares my opinion in detail with relevant examples.