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coherence cohesion
Your letter lacks a clear and logical structure. Consider organizing your thoughts more coherently into paragraphs that each explore different aspects of your message.
coherence cohesion
The greeting 'Dear Hung' is appropriate, but the closing 'Love you Hung' could be seen as too casual, especially considering the unusual nature of your request. Consider a more balanced closing.
task achievement
You need to address the main purpose of your letter more clearly and suitably. The topic you've chosen to discuss is very personal and might not be appropriate for a letter format. Reflect on the tone and appropriateness of the content.
task achievement
Your request might come across as insensitive and awkward. Consider expressing your thoughts in a more thoughtful and considerate manner.
task achievement
You have made an effort to communicate your feelings and reached out to your friend, which shows your willingness to connect.
coherence cohesion
Your letter includes a greeting and a closing, framing your letter in a conventional format.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
It is said that people emphasise too much culture for the young, while others hold the opposite view that leisure enterprise for the young people should be spent on indeed. This author agrees with the perspective of emphasizing more action for young people in order to reduce the stress gained from studying, rather than focusing more on improving education for a better result in studying.
In this contemporary epoch, people are moving towards a new trend of teaching their juveniles at home instead sending them to schools. However, critics believe that attending schools, colleges, or universities is relentlessly vital. This essay will delve into reasons behind above statement and will lead to a logical conclusion as well.
In this era of time, working parents are now searching for people that could look after their children. Some parents would ask other family members, such as grandparents, to take care of their children. Others opted for childcare that would provide more facilities for learning. I am here to discuss on both sides of the choices.
Living in a nation which requires you to communicate by a language other than your mother tongue can cause both tremendous social problems and practical problems to a person. In my opinion, I will agree with this opinion if there are some requirements attached to it.