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Band 7.5

Some people believe that graduating from university is pivotal to landing a promising job. However, others argue that gaining experience and improving interpersonal skills is more instrumental. This essay will examine these two perspectives.

#people #university #job #skills #two #perspectives
To commence, a plethora of factors contribute to why completing a university education is paramount.
Firstly
, during people’s time in university, they will have the opportunity to be taught by world-class professors, teaching them advanced knowledge
as well as
 fundamental principles in relation to their subject.
Therefore
,
such
 invaluable lessons can bolster their abilities and deepen their knowledge, which are very useful for these individuals’ future.
Additionally
, finishing undergraduate study is considered an essential requirement in pursuing a career within certain fields.
For instance
, those who aspire to become professional lawyers have to obtain a law degree before participating in the bar exam.
Conversely
, despite the advantages of finishing formal education, acquiring work-related experience and enhancing soft
skills
 is
also
 indispensable. One major reason is that, through working experience, people can learn how to implement their knowledge in real-life situations.
Hence
, it can prepare them to face a dynamic working environment upon graduation.
Moreover
, elevating individuals’ soft
skills
 is
also
 important, as many occupations often require robust management
skills
. As an example, those who work in the service industry have to forge a relationship with clients, making communication and problem-solving
skills
 key to achieving a successful career. To encapsulate,
although
 I believe that obtaining a university degree is important because of the opportunity to meet brilliant professors and it is a requirement for certain professions, gaining work experience and developing soft
skills
 is
also
 crucial. Through a balanced approach between studying, working, and practising interpersonal
skills
, I believe that students can pave the way for a prosperous career.
Submitted by rasendrya.hafiz on

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Task Achievement
While the essay covers both sides of the argument well, further elaboration on the depth of examples could enhance clarity.
Task Achievement
Ensure all parts of your argument are equally well-developed, especially when supporting examples with real-world applications.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear and concise structure with a strong introduction and conclusion that effectively summarize the discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The arguments are logically organized, maintaining a smooth flow throughout the text.
Coherence and Cohesion
Main points are well-supported with relevant information, which strengthens the essay's arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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