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Band 5

fossil fuels are the main sources in many countries, but in some countries the use of alternative sources of energy are encouraged. Do you think it is possitive or negative effect

#fuels #sources #countries #alternative #energy #possitive #effect
In recent years, there has been a growing trend towards using
alternative
sources
 of
energy
such
 as solar
power
 and wind
power
 as a way to reduce the dependency
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 fossil fuels. It is the opinion of the writer that
alternative
sources
 have benefits because of
enhancing
Wrong verb form
enhance
show examples
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
 and
Correct your spelling
reducing
reduce
reducig
Correct your spelling
reduce
 diseases It is vital to understand that renewable
sources
 are creating a wide range of jobs in various sectors of the economy.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that the installation
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and the development of
alternative
sources
 are all contributing to job growth. Indeed these industries have the potential to employ a significant number of people , particularly in
region
Fix the agreement mistake
regions
show examples
 where traditional
energy
 industries are declining. As a
results
Correct the article-noun agreement
result
show examples
,
this
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not only
boost
Correct subject-verb agreement
boosts
show examples
 local economies but
also
 reduces income inequally by supporting
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
show examples
. Another point worth
consideration
Replace the word
considering
show examples
 is the shift towards
alternative
sources
 of
energy
 is seen as a
possitive
Correct your spelling
positive
 way to reduce many diseases.
In other words
,
alternative
energy
sources
 are considered to be more sustainable and environmentally friendly than fossil fuels.
Thus
, solar
power
 and wind
power
 do not produce harmful
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
 that contribute to air pollution and climate change, making them a clean and green option for
energy
 production.
For instance
, in Vietnam, many people are struggling with lung-related
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
ecause
Correct your spelling
because
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 significant amount of gas emissions from fossil fuels are
releaseed
Correct your spelling
released
 into
atmosphere
Add an article
the atmosphere
show examples
 daily. In conclusion,
although
 the shift towards
alternative
sources
 of
energy
such
 as solar
power
 and wind
power
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
cllenges
Correct your spelling
challenges
, in my view, they have
Correct your spelling
positive
possitive
Correct your spelling
positive
 effects and should be encouraged
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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task achievement
To further improve task response, ensure that each point is fully elaborated upon and better supported with more relevant and specific examples.
coherence cohesion
Enhance coherence and cohesion by ensuring there are smooth transitions between paragraphs and by linking the ideas within the paragraphs more effectively. Avoid simple errors in grammar and punctuation that might disrupt the reading flow.
general
Pay close attention to spelling and grammar to avoid small errors that can distract from the overall quality of your writing. This will also improve the clarity and professionalism of your essay.
structure organization
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a good framework for the discussion and helping to make the overall argument easier to follow.
relevant examples
The essay provides relevant examples, such as the situation in Vietnam, to illustrate the points being made. This helps to ground the argument in real-world scenarios.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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