IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Revenue Sources and Expenditures of a USA Charity in one year, 2016.

#revenue #sources #expenditures #usa #charity #year
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The charts illustrate how much money was allocated for
revenue
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 and outlay for the children’s charity located in the USA in 2016.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clearly seen that donated food was the largest source of
revenue
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,
while
Linking Words
 the little
part
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 belongs to Investment Income. The major
part
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 of expenditure went to Program Services and the minor
part
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collected
Add a missing verb
was collected
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 to Management and General.
According to
Linking Words
 the left chart Donated Food was the main
part
Use synonyms
 of
revenue
Use synonyms
 sources with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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86.6 %. Community contributions were the second largest source with approximately 10%. Other Income formed 0.4
Use synonyms
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
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 of
revenue
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 sources. The
percentage
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 of program
revenue
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, investment cost and government grants were the same and they took together 0.6
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percentage
Replace the word
per cent
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 of
revenue
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. On the Expenditures
graph
Add a comma
graph,
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the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 big
part
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 of
money
Add an article
the money
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allocated
Add a missing verb
is allocated
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 for the program service and it consists of about 96% of it. Fundraising is 1
percentage
Use synonyms
 bigger than management and general and they are 2.6%,
1.6
Correct word choice
and 1.6
show examples
%, respectively.
Submitted by ayshanngurbanova on

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introduction conclusion present
You've provided a clear introduction, but including a conclusion to summarize the main findings would enhance the essay's completeness.
complete response
To improve task response, make sure every significant data point from the charts is mentioned or analyzed. In this case, consider explaining the relatively small contributions of investment income and government grants in more detail.
logical structure
Work on improving the logical flow of your essay. Some sentences were a bit abrupt (e.g., 'other income formed 0.4 percentage'). Try to create more seamless transitions between ideas and paragraphs for a smoother reading experience.
logical structure
To enhance coherence, make use of more linking words and phrases to connect your ideas throughout the essay. This will make your points clearer and easier to follow for the reader.
supported main points
You have successfully identified the major sources of revenue and the main expenditures, providing clear percentages to support your points.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your essay is clear and easy to understand, which demonstrates good control over your language abilities.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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