IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Revenue Sources and Expenditures of a USA Charity in one year, 2016.

#revenue #sources #expenditures #usa #charity #year
The charts illustrate how much money was allocated for
revenue
 and outlay for the children’s charity located in the USA in 2016.
Overall
, it is clearly seen that donated food was the largest source of
revenue
,
while
 the little
part
 belongs to Investment Income. The major
part
 of expenditure went to Program Services and the minor
part
collected
Add a missing verb
was collected
show examples
 to Management and General.
According to
 the left chart Donated Food was the main
part
 of
revenue
 sources with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
86.6 %. Community contributions were the second largest source with approximately 10%. Other Income formed 0.4
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 of
revenue
 sources. The
percentage
 of program
revenue
, investment cost and government grants were the same and they took together 0.6
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 of
revenue
. On the Expenditures
graph
Add a comma
graph,
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 big
part
 of
money
Add an article
the money
show examples
allocated
Add a missing verb
is allocated
show examples
 for the program service and it consists of about 96% of it. Fundraising is 1
percentage
 bigger than management and general and they are 2.6%,
1.6
Correct word choice
and 1.6
show examples
%, respectively.
Submitted by ayshanngurbanova on

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introduction conclusion present
You've provided a clear introduction, but including a conclusion to summarize the main findings would enhance the essay's completeness.
complete response
To improve task response, make sure every significant data point from the charts is mentioned or analyzed. In this case, consider explaining the relatively small contributions of investment income and government grants in more detail.
logical structure
Work on improving the logical flow of your essay. Some sentences were a bit abrupt (e.g., 'other income formed 0.4 percentage'). Try to create more seamless transitions between ideas and paragraphs for a smoother reading experience.
logical structure
To enhance coherence, make use of more linking words and phrases to connect your ideas throughout the essay. This will make your points clearer and easier to follow for the reader.
supported main points
You have successfully identified the major sources of revenue and the main expenditures, providing clear percentages to support your points.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your essay is clear and easy to understand, which demonstrates good control over your language abilities.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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