In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this idea?

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Several cultures have the belief that children most of the time are unable to achieve anything they put hard work into. Thoughts like

this

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can have some benefits and drawbacks. The important advantages of

this

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idea

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are related to

kids

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and

parents

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. First of all,

this

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idea

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can lead to a strong independent personality for

kids

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For instance

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, some

kids

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in the Olympic games have impressive personalities they are not afraid of failing and they totally understand their ability to achieve their goals at an early age.

In addition

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this

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can cause a strong bond between the

child

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and the

parents

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. Some results showed that a

child

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6-month-old can make their steps forward if his

parents

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carriage him and support him.

On the other hand

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this

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idea

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has some disadvantages.

This

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idea

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can lead to serious mental disorders. If the

child

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fails

this

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may put a lot of stress and anxiety on the

child

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's shoulders.

Moreover

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, some

parents

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force their

kids

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to achieve something which is bound to their physical ability. Some children in age 6 or under can not hold the pen in the right way because the bones are still growing.

To sum up

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all, there is a pros and cons of

this

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idea

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related to

parents

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and

kids

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' behaviour. In general,

this

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thought needs to be more controlled to not lead to dangerous situations

Submitted by mmlohibi on Tue Jun 11 2024

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task achievement

Work on providing more detailed examples to support your points. This will help to strengthen your arguments and make your essay more convincing.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph focuses on only one main idea. This will help to improve the clarity and coherence of your essay.

task achievement

Use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to make your writing more engaging and varied.

introduction conclusion

Your introduction sets the context well and your conclusion summarizes the main points effectively.

complete response

You have covered both advantages and disadvantages of the topic, providing a balanced view.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

227 words

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In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this idea?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantage of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

The best way to understand other cultures is to work for a multinational organisation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In more and more countries, people choose to give money on special occasions rather than giving gifts chosen personally.Why might this be the case? Is it a positive or a negative development

The internet has transformed the way information is shared and consumed, but it has also created problems that did not exist before. What are the most serious problems associated with the internet and what solutions can you suggest?

Billions of dollars are being wasted on space research. The money used could be better if used to improving condition on people on earth. To what extent do you agree or disagree?