IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people feel that it is always wrong to keep animals in captivity, for instance in zoos. What do you think the adventages and disadvantages from this?,

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The
practise
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practice
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 of confining
animals
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,
for instance
Linking Words
 in
zoos
Use synonyms
, is argued by some people to be inherently unethical.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
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 it is contended by others that there are benefits both for
animals
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 and for humans.
While
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This
Linking Words
 issue, it is believed, would bring some possible disadvantages, it will
also
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 bring several advantages that I will explain in
this
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 essay. Regarding the drawback
from
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of
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this
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 issue,
zoos
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 are the unnatural way in which
animals
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 live in
such
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 places.
For example
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, captive
animals
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 do not need to hunt or raise offspring, and
this
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 means that they are not living as nature intended.
Furthermore
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,
animals
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 probably suffer mentally when kept in captivity, even if their surroundings are spacious and similar to
the
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their
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 natural
habitat
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. Symptoms of mental issues range from repetitive behaviour to eating disorders, and these are often seen in captive
animals
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.
Lastly
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, it is often said that
zoos
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 add little to animal conservation, which is better served by preserving their
habitat
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.
Conversely
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, one of the benefits is that in most cases they offer a secure and peaceful setting for
animals
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,
for example
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 in
high quality
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high-quality
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 wildlife parks or reserves. It is seen that in many cases, the
animals
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 would suffer from loss of
habitat
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 or poaching in the wild, and in captivity they are at least safe and able to breed successfully.
Finally
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,
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
zoos
Use synonyms
 and animal parks are part of an integrated system of protecting
animals
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, involving
habitat
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 protection, breeding programmes and disease control.
This
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 all helps to safeguard endangered species and
thus
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 preserve the global ecosystem for the future benefit of all life forms.
Overall
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, the lack of
of
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apply
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measurability from
this
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 Idea could be a
substansial
Correct your spelling
substantial
 drawback that should be taken to help
animals
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
in
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 their unnatural ways.
However
Linking Words
 the
positive
Fix the agreement mistake
positives
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from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 captivity may
protect to
Verb problem
,
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including
Wrong verb form
include
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safe
Correct word choice
the safety
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 and
peaceful
Replace the word
peace
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 of
Use synonyms
animals
Change noun form
animals'
animal's
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 should be not forgotten as well.

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task achievement
Address all parts of the question more directly and ensure all ideas are fully expanded and clearly explained.
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraphing, logical flow, and use of cohesive devices to better link your ideas.
introduction
You have introduced the topic clearly and have outlined both advantages and disadvantages.
supported points
You tried to provide specific examples to support your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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