It is believed that a year off between school and university could be advantageous for school leavers. To what extent do you support this view?

It is said that taking a
year
off between
school
and
university
is beneficial for
school
graduates, I personally agree with
this
statement
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
some reason, and I will explain why in
this
essay. On the one side, it is true that young
students
are very likely to encounter several difficulties when delaying their
university
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
. One of these problems is the delay in academic progress caused by spending one
year
off
school
. It is understandably almost impossible for young people to enjoy their experiences in doing a job or
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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to a new place but still arrange a certain amount of time for revision.
As a result
, gap-
year
takers may have to face the challenge of becoming familiar with the knowledge at
school
again, receiving more pressure
of catching
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to catch
show examples
up with their peers.
Besides
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
out
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outside
show examples
of
university
Correct article usage
the university
show examples
campus may prove to be mentally and physically overwhelming for inexperienced
school
leavers. They,
for instance
, may be at risk of being exploited in an exhausting job or face potential dangers on their trips to a new country. If not well prepared for
such
possible obstacles, young high
school
graduates can suffer from unintended consequences.
On the other hand
, we should consider various benefits that a gap
year
is an ideal opportunity for
students
to learn about what is not taught at
university
. Working with other people who are experts in a particular field can give these newcomers not only
understanding
Correct article usage
an understanding
show examples
of the job but
also
valuable practical lessons to help them become more mature. When it comes to applying for a position in a company, employers tend to favourably consider applicants who possess extensive experience in life and the occupation.
Furthermore
, in terms of recreation, having a
year
to relax can be advantageous as
students
can have a chance to relieve stress in study. With a comfortable and willing attitude, undergraduates can acquire knowledge more effectively in comparison with those who go to
university
straightaway
Correct your spelling
straight away
show examples
.
Overall
, it seems to me that working or
traveling
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travelling
show examples
before
students
start their education in
university
is worth implementing because of the positive impacts
such
as valuable practice and relaxation for
students
who get stressed in studying.
This
is provided that
students
keep their interest in studying to ensure better academic performance in
university
.
Submitted by k a l l a on

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Grammar
Ensure all sentences are grammatically correct and review for any awkward phrasing. Although small inaccuracies are acceptable, it's important to minimize them.
Content Development
Further develop the disadvantages discussed in the body paragraph. Explain how the potential drawbacks could outweigh the benefits for a more balanced argument.
Writing Style
Maintain a balance between complex and simple sentence structures. Use a variety of sentence types to keep the reader interested while avoiding overly complex constructions that might cause confusion.
Content
The essay effectively addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of taking a year off between school and university, providing a balanced view on the topic.
Structure
The introduction is clear and sets the context well, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the key points discussed.
Supporting Examples
Examples provided in the essay are relevant and help to support the main points being made. This adds depth to the argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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