IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The increase in food production is mostly due to fertilisers and better machinery. Yet, some think that it harms human health and communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#food #production #fertilisers #machinery #think #health #communities
The increase in
food
 production is mostly
due to
 the use of
fertilizers
 and better
machinery
.
While
 these methods have helped produce more
food
, they
also
 have some negative effects on human
health
 and communities. I believe that
while
 the benefits are significant, the potential harms should not be ignored.
Fertilizers
 are important because they help plants grow better, which leads to more
food
.
However
, too much use of chemical
fertilizers
 can pollute water and cause
health
 problems,
such
 as certain cancers and issues with blood oxygen levels. Better
machinery
 has made farming more efficient, reducing the need for manual
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 and increasing productivity.
This
 makes
food
 cheaper and more available.
However
, heavy
machinery
 can damage the soil, harm the environment, and lead to the loss of traditional farming practices and community culture.
Moreover
, the environmental impact of these methods is concerning.
Fertilizers
 contribute to greenhouse gas emissions, which worsen climate change.
Machinery
also
 increases carbon emissions
due to
 the fuel it uses. These environmental issues have long-term effects on human
health
 and community sustainability. In conclusion,
while
fertilizers
 and better
machinery
 have greatly increased
food
 production, they
also
 pose risks to
health
 and the environment. It is important to find sustainable farming practices that ensure
food
 security
while
 protecting
health
 and communities.
Therefore
, I partly agree that the harm caused by these methods is significant and needs to be addressed.
Submitted by panjiwara on

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task response
Your essay addresses the task well, but more specific examples related to the topic would strengthen your argument. Consider including examples from real-world scenarios or studies.
task response
The ideas are clearly presented, but some paragraphs could be better developed with more detailed explanations. Try expanding on each point to provide a fuller understanding.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. Aim to include clear transitions between paragraphs to improve coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Although the flow is generally good, consider using more cohesive devices (e.g., however, furthermore, consequently) to link sentences and paragraphs more explicitly.
coherence and cohesion
You presented a clear introduction and conclusion, enhancing the overall structure of the essay.
task response
The main points were relevant to the topic and appropriately supported your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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