IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statments?

#people #choices #statments
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The debate over the revolution in the
number
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 of options we are offered on a daily basis has sparked considerable controversy.
While
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 some people advocate for having numerous choices under any circumstances, I believe that
this
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 notion is valid to the degree it does not concern economic context.
To begin
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 with, thanks to the rapid advancement of technology, individuals have more job vacancies to explore to see which one they fit in the best.
This
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 great opportunity is mainly because Information Technology and Artificial Intelligence have streamlined the workflow, leading to innovation taking the place of manual labour.
Moreover
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, the introduction of the AI field has provided countless academic subjects for students to pursue,
such
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 as virtual reality. Importantly,
as a result
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 of massive urbanization, modern life contributions go beyond occupational and educational fields and benefit people with an excessive
number
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 of options when it comes to accommodation. To illustrate, a comparison between job opportunities, the
number
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 of academic courses being offered, and the types of houses in Iran, between 1990 and 2020, illustrated that they had all dramatically risen.
However
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, with the introduction of high-tech professions, local markets will have a massive downturn. By accumulating economic burden in the countryside, they would have a lower chance of acquiring desired aspirations, regardless of the
number
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 of choices available. What's more,
due to
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 the rapid pace of modern life, countries would do anything to keep up with it and win the fiercely competitive economy revival. Meanwhile,
this
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 competition may contribute to rebellion among them;
therefore
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, some inflations or economic constraints may be introduced to some areas which
further
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 hinder them from enjoying modern life opportunities. Take Iran as an example; where its residents are suffering from heavy inflation placed by the USA and despite the magnificent accommodations that have been constructed there, folks can barely afford them.
To conclude
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,
although
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 some may claim that in the contemporary era, all people are enjoying a wide range of options, I subscribe to the fact that it solely applies to urban areas,
coupled with
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 countries without certain economic recessions.
Submitted by bita.rezaei7052 on

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task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the task and addresses both sides of the argument. However, the clarity of ideas could be improved by using more straightforward language and avoiding overly complex sentences.
task achievement
Ensure that the main points are fully developed with more detailed arguments and examples. This will strengthen your position and improve the comprehensiveness of your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Use more transitions between sentences and paragraphs to improve the logical flow of the essay. This will enhance readability and coherence.
introduction and conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
supported main points
The main points are supported with relevant examples, adding credibility to the arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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