Indvidual greed and selfishnesss have been the basis of modern society. Some people think that we must return to the older and more treaditional values of respect for the family and local community in order to create a better world to live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is a growing concern that
the
widespread of being selfish and Correct article usage
apply
greedy
are increasingly becoming prevalent in modern Replace the word
greed
society
. It is argued that sticking to the values of respecting family and community
is an essential trait one
could have to improve our world
. This
essay strongly agrees that implementing virtues that make a difference in our families
lives and Change noun form
family's
families'
community
will influence the world
we live in. Firstly
، having respect
towards those who are close to us will reflect on many other aspects of life, and secondly
, thinking of one self
and wanting to have it all will negatively impact Correct your spelling
oneself
one
's life.
On the one
hand, in our upbringing there are some qualities that some of us were lucky to have been introduced to, respect
is one
of the primary qualities that most families
worldwide appreciate. Furthermore
, respect
is not merely a religous
teaching most of us have learned growing up, it is more of a universal language Correct your spelling
religious
that is
thought of highly by most people, regardless of their social, and ethnicities
differences. As if it was Replace the word
ethnic
a
human nature, everyone is drawn to Remove the article
apply
respect
. Also
, one
would not be able to have a respectful status in society
without being taught respect
growing up in the first place. Moreover
, being respected in the community
will push people to behave in the best way possible. To illustrate this
, a study that was conducted by University
of Toronto showed that as the level of Correct article usage
the University
respect
increases in the community
, people tend to engage in tasks that are more beneficial to society
. Thus
, respect
have
a positive impact on the Change the verb form
has
world
in general.
On the other hand
, being greedy and wanting to have all benefits for one self
is the driving force behind modern societies Correct your spelling
oneself
who
have forgotten moral values. Correct pronoun usage
that
For instance
, some argue that young generations are not putting much effort to enhance
the way they Change preposition
into enhancing
are
treating elderly, Verb problem
treat
this
worrying trend will certainly reflect on every aspect of our daily lives. Moreover
, being selfish will not only affect the way we treat family and community
in general, it
will Correct word choice
but it
increase
the sense of individuality, Rephrase
also increase
gradually
detachment from Correct word choice
and gradually
society
will occur. In other words
, the comradery sense in the society
will be lost.
In conclusion, it is vital to value respect
for families
and communities rather than greediness, thereby nurturing virtues is essential will
make a remarkable impact on Correct word choice
and will
families
, communities and world
.Correct article usage
the world
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task and provides a complete response. Make sure to further elaborate on your main points to provide a clearer, more comprehensive argument. Adding more specific examples can strengthen your points and make them more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
The essay structure is logical, but some transitions between ideas could be smoother. Try to use more cohesive devices to improve the flow of your essay. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph focuses on one main idea to enhance clarity.
language
Pay attention to grammatical errors and typos such as "religous" (religious) and "one self" (oneself). Proofreading will help catch these small mistakes.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance on the issue, which sets a strong foundation for your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates your stance, giving the essay a well-rounded finish.
task achievement
You incorporated a study as a specific example to support your point, which adds credibility to your argument.
Your opinion
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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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